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Thread: Years after Integration for PTSD/Depression etc

  1. #1
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    Years after Integration for PTSD/Depression etc

    Hi
    I have just come to the realization that when I had become integrated I was in a mode of high anxiety/distress and panic. I went to get away from my circumstances after issues of self harm. I'm not sure why I did not go more in depth with the facility when I went there. In variably still had compulsions and anxiety that led to a continued amount of poor choices in my life. I am feeling very ashamed and very hurt as my life had spiraled out of control due to this and many people have been affected. I may never be the same or offered another opportunity to continue on my healing journey as each day is now a struggle. Others see it differently than me as if the bigger picture has more explanations than my narrative. I can not replace or repair the relationships in this situation and I may never be entitled to continue to work on my integration or becoming healthy enough again. I hope that this changes but I can not be to sure about this anymore..yet another day in paradise..

  2. #2
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    Hi schnucki...

    I am so sorry that you were not in the position to get the best out of the opportunities the care facility provided...can relate...have been in that situation...just unable to embrace helpful stuff that was on offer. Find it helps to accept that this was how it was...that I was just not ready, maybe not strong enough, maybe had too much on my plate to take any more on board.

    For you
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following user says thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Schnucki96 (04-02-2016)

  4. #3
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    i understand not being able to get back to getting the most out of the help available



    I understand not being able to get all you can during a stay at a place that is there to help
    i have trouble trusting anyone, and when the many times i have been where i was suppose to get help
    my time was up before i found any trust at all, so my time was waisted, and because i cannot hold onto what i am told for long, i have forgotten most of what was done or i learned , i am a hourglass, i cannot hold anything for long
    and forget that i ever knew things, finding out that i knew things for years, but it feels brand new to me
    i have no ability to comprehend time, it all runs together, so everything is right here,
    i am sorry that you are in the situation you are in, loosing relationships is hard, i seem to wear people out,
    i suppose it is because i cannot remember, or that i am not who i was before....

  5. The following 3 users say thank you to Tulip for this useful post:

    Faylin (04-04-2016),Jane (04-02-2016),Schnucki96 (04-02-2016)

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    [QUOTE=Jane;362393]Hi schnucki...
    Hi Jane
    Thank you for your kind words..I appreciate them...sometimes it means alot to someone who is struggling with these issues and those closets to you can not see it..but those who are fartherest from you seem to understand where the nail was hit right on the head..and can actually see how the nail got lodged into the wood ...
    Schnucki96

  7. The following user says thank you to Schnucki96 for this useful post:

    Jane (04-02-2016)

  8. #5
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    Hi schnuki...just noticed you have registered are a member. Means you can access, start and join in conversations in the members only forums. Thought you might like to skip into the therapy folder on the main forum page...interesting stuff there about peoples' therapy/healing experiences and such...idk may help you feel less alone knowing that for many of us our healing is not straightforward...for me it has certainly been a two, three step forward...hit a plateau...back a step sort of process. Sometimes drive me mad, want it to be over...then reset my compass and accept that how it is is how it is. :s
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  9. #6
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    Forum!!

    Hi Jane
    thank you for your assistance. I have been reviewing the forum but perhaps I'm not seeing the things that I need. I just had a talk recently with a doctor who worked with me in 2007 to integrate parts of myself. I truly felt hopeless by the end of the conversation. It was about the money and he said because I had not loved myself enough I allowed my self to be traumatized. It is hard to swallow. I am in pain right now. I dont want to live like this anymore. i want so much to work, live a life, go to church, talk with people, but I keep getting swallowed up by this black hole and I never get anywhere. I have goals but I always feel held back.



    Quote Originally Posted by Jane View Post
    Hi schnuki...just noticed you have registered are a member. Means you can access, start and join in conversations in the members only forums. Thought you might like to skip into the therapy folder on the main forum page...interesting stuff there about peoples' therapy/healing experiences and such...idk may help you feel less alone knowing that for many of us our healing is not straightforward...for me it has certainly been a two, three step forward...hit a plateau...back a step sort of process. Sometimes drive me mad, want it to be over...then reset my compass and accept that how it is is how it is. :s

  10. #7
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    yeah, forums work a little different from facebook or such. on facebook you just talk of whatever wherever, cuz the reason people are reading what you write is cuz they are your friends. on forums people dont know you, they read what you write cuz they figure it might help them with their trauma recovery: even if theres no deep insight in someones writing, theres at least emotional connection and a sense that im not alone, someone else struggles with same stuff to. thats why there are folders for different topics - so we all can find the topic we're interested in, in this ocean of people talking of their experiences, thoughts, and feelings on any aspect of abuse and its aftermath. people who wanna read about depression or got something to say about it, do it in the "depression" folder. this folder here is public forum, open to guests, people who are not registered at fort and have no access to our forums, but still wanna say something or ask us something. for example, supporters: significant others of someone who was abused. so it would be the last place where we would look, when we wanna talk about depression.

    how much you get out of forums depends on how much you put into them: if you think of a topic thats relevant for other people, got something to say on it, or got specific questions to ask the community, and put effort into this new group discussion youre starting - you'll get lotsa meaningful responses. while if you just wanna kinda ramble about your day - its better to put that in one of the sticky threads, "hows your day" in offtopic, "tiny rants" in other vents, etc - just so that people dont get frustrated and feeling misled, when they click on a new thread thinking it might be a discussion, helpful to them in their trauma recovery - and instead end up reading about random stuff that they got nothing to say on. just yeah, forums are a different system, hope you get more out of them
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  11. The following 2 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    Schnucki96 (05-01-2016),weepingwillow (04-28-2016)

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