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Thread: Ways of dealing with emotional times.

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    Ways of dealing with emotional times.

    Hello my name is Nicole and I have endured times where I thought I may not be able to find myself any more. I am still coping with the permanent mental damage my abuser caused me and sometimes find it difficult to talk to people about my experiences. I am currently with a lovely partner who is willing to listen and is there at the times I am having a 'bad day' as we call it. I find it very difficult to open up sometimes especially on the days where I feel most to blame for what happened even though non of it was my fault. But there are ways I can get my anger out and sadness out without projecting it on myself or my partner.

    The few things I enjoy to are to write, I turn my experiences into stories and I publish them online, no one really see's them but they are there and somehow in my own mind I hope someone else who reads them feels less alone, I mostly write them at night when I can't sleep, I get nightmares a lot and often note them down and make them into my stories.

    Another way is I like to draw, sometimes I try to learn to draw something I could not before, other times I just like to draw how I feel and see what picture turns up.

    I was wondering whether other people had ways of releasing themselves emotionally?

    I wish I could openly talk to my partner about it and he is very supportive but my head seems to shut down and I don't want to speak.

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    Jane (12-06-2015)

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    I would like to share my stories on here in my own head it makes me feel better...

    Black and blue



    How do we define insecurity? Is it in our genetic make up? It can control our entire life and fills us with constant self doubt and fuels our ability to self destruct. Whether you are too short or too tall, to fat or too thing. People will try to use your insecurities to try to control you, a sort of coping mechanism for their own downfalls. How to I explain my kryptonite? Well have you ever stood in front of a mirror and seen your worst enemy? I see mine everyday, gawking back at me, telling me I am too fat, telling me to give up and die. Unfortunately it wasn't just my reflection that saw that in me.

    Words can hurt, when someone injures you the wounds and bruises heal, they may leave scars but over time they will fade. Words can't physically hurt you, the damage they do is within, and those scars cannot be seen.

    Everyone in life has an agenda, everyone wants the perfect career, fall in love, have a family and a home to call their own. You spend the first fraction of your life building your emotions, learning and growing your personality. Until that day you are ready to try and find your own partner and start your bucket list of life.

    Of course when you are young you make mistakes, how does one learn if they do not make mistakes? It is human nature to fail and to learn. But why must we learn the really hard way?

    There are people in this world who have a mental x-ray for insecurity, they dig away in your physique and see that reflection battling you.

    Everyone wants to be loved, for someone to want them and be there for them. Put yourself in these shoes, you are a 19 year old girl. You are obese at 20 stone and you have never been in a relationship that wasn't over Skype. A friend you have not seen for several years offers to have you and 2 other friends over for a barbecue.

    You forgot how great your friendship was with this man, then he begins to flirt with you. You feel amazing, someone is showing a romantic interest in you, but, the man is 31 years old. He is almost 12 years older than you. You think to yourself, this is wrong, he is my friend I don't want to ruin my friendship. But then you think, but if I don't nobody else will ever like me.

    You begin to start dating, he thinks the world of you, he tries so hard to make you happy, nice clothes, gifts, the works. You give yourself to this man, your innocence, your sure he isn't the right person but who wants to die a virgin?

    Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, suddenly this man stops coming to see you. He demands that you go and stay with him every weekend. He starts to call you fat and a whore, you are shocked and don't understand why he is doing this.

    At this point would you have walked out?

    It is surprising how many people say they would have, but in reality might not have. Perhaps you could think back to a time where you may have been in this situation. The girl ends up staying, she takes the abuse and say to herself “maybe he is having a bad day”, “maybe he's having a bad month” , “he's going through things and I need to support him”

    Self denial!

    As time passes the man had her over each weekend, forced her to drink and take drugs saying that she didn't love him if she didn't. That he would leave her for a thin girl if she did not do as he asked. If she spoke to anyone else he would ask why and who they were and when she got there she had to walk around to the back gate to go into his flat so no one would see her.

    The girl stayed and obeyed.

    The man said that if she did not have sex with him she was frigid, that she was a whore and sleeping with many other men. The man forced her to do things she did not want to do, not out of fear of him, but fear of her own self worth.

    Manipulation.

    The man did things to her in her sleep, she pretended she was not awake...but she was. Body frozen, tears streamed down her face.

    Many months down the line the girl began to feel unwell, nausea and fatigue, she was pregnant. The man told her she was a fat whore with many sexual diseases. That she had slept with someone else as he could not have children (So his ex girlfriend said). He tried to force the girl to get an abortion, the man locked the girl in his flat for 3 days, he refused to let her eat, to let her have anything to drink and locked her in his bedroom. The girl did not want to listen anymore, she managed to escape by jumping out of a window when he was unconscious from so much alcohol.

    He bombarded the girl with death threats and abusive calls and texts the girl now feared for her life. Pregnant, 20 years old and all alone. What would she tell her parents? She was completely isolated, no one knew what she was going through.

    She eventually brought up the courage to tell her mother, who told her whatever happened that she would not be alone.

    When the girl told the man she was getting an abortion, he decided he did not want rid of it anymore. He threatened if the girl had an abortion he would do terrible things to her family and her reputation. He told the girl to hand it over to him so he could receive benefits of being a single father.

    Through all of the threats and all of the abuse the girl stood in front of her mirror once more. She saw the same fat girl, face worn from stress. Her eyes sunken from the tears she had shed, but this time the reflection did not insult her. It shouted at her to find herself again, to do what she wanted and not to do what someone else had ordered her to.

    In time the girl had to come to the moral decision of giving up her baby feeling it was better to not give it a life at all than to make it endure the constant bombardment from its father.

    Every time she saw her reflection from then on all she heard from it was “I HATE HIM I HATE HIM LOOK AT WHAT HE HAS DONE TO YOU!”

    The anger she had for him inspired her to be the best person she could be, she lost her weight, she grew her confidence and slowly began to bury her insecurities.

    She not long after met another man, someone of a similar age to him. He had insecurities of his own, the girl had grown a pair of her own x-ray goggles. But instead of using them against him, she chose to share her own. He encouraged her to receive help and see a therapist and what happened was not just a bad relationship but have been domestic abuse. The girl had not seen it as that until he had opened her eyes.

    After years of torment and abuse the man was eventually arrested, but no justice was served and he was let off with a caution.

    Now she must rebuild...easier said than done.

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    Nikki 2 (12-07-2015)

  5. #3
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    Your writing is poignant. I also like to write and draw. In addition, I play piano, spend time outside, and read a lot.

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    Jane (12-06-2015)

  7. #4
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    I also write...find it a good way to get things out...see them more clearly. Sometimes helps me connect to the emotions they cause in me (a hard thing for me to do). I also find that physical activity helps, walking, srubbing the shower or digging in the garden. And music...think that works best of all for me...can help transport me to a more spacious and calm space.

    Agree that talking things out is not always what feels right...for me I need to be in quite a secure place to do this.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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    Wolfgirl023 (12-06-2015)

  9. #5
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    I really enjoy music too but sometimes I seem to find songs or musical pieces that seem to trigger my depression and put me in horrible moods.

    Thanks for the response.

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