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Thread: Emotional abuse and some physical

  1. #1
    flowershallgrow Guest

    Emotional abuse and some physical

    From October 2014 to February 2015 I dated a man who was emotionally and slightly physically abusive. At the time I told myself I didn't believe the things he said and it wasn't a big deal, but the truth is I'm hurting. I've been struggling with the thought that it's my fault I was abused because I chose to stay with him. And because it was my fault, I have no right to feel angry and upset over what happened.
    I feel like I might be suffering mildly from ptsd. When trying on clothes in a store, I think about how he told me I'm ugly and not good enough for clothes like that. Sometimes I have nightmares about him shaking me or yelling at me. I panic when it seems like someone is making it hard for me to leave or move around because he used to force me to stay, would take my phone from me and hold me down on the bed.
    I need someone to tell me it's okay to be angry. That it's not my fault that he abused me.
    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks xx

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    139

    Hi!

    Hi!
    I realised yesterday that I too needed to hear it was not my fault.
    It is amazing how they get in our heads and make us feel responsible for their bad behaviour.
    IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.:
    I am sending you a hug to help you feel less alone.

  3. #3
    Unregistered Guest
    I have just posted something pretty similar. Although the manifestation of abuse for me was different it was physical and verbal. You are not alone and its not ok. You have absolutely EVERY right to be angry and hurt. I think if you see a counsellor they will tell you that that your ex's behaviour is totally unacceptable in anyone's language and that you are not to blame. I totally empathise with you. My ex didn't attack the way I looked he attacked me - he called me names and told me I was a freak and a nutjob and I needed "help" to "get normal" because his words hurt me so much (according to him words are meaningless).

    Just remember, you are not alone and its not your fault.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    14,195
    I've been struggling with the thought that it's my fault I was abused because I chose to stay with him. And because it was my fault, I have no right to feel angry and upset over what happened.
    i relate. its pretty sad though, cuz, i mean, you seeing the trap? abuse is your fault because you arent leaving, therefore you cant leave because its your fault. circular reference. of course you have the right to feel whatever you feel about anything, including abuse, and you have every right to leave whenever you want to. you chose to stay with him for a while, and then decided to leave and left. just like, idk, i used to live in manhattan for a while but then decided it was too pricey and moved to brooklyn. i have every right to do that...
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  5. The following 2 users say thank you to Manya for this useful post:

    Nikki 2 (12-08-2015),weepingwillow (12-01-2015)

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