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Thread: If you're looking for advice

  1. #1
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    If you're looking for advice

    guest,

    I relate to struggles with relationships, abuse aftermath, frustrating situations with family, and lots of other such things, but if you've come here looking for advice, that's not something we can help out with here. We don't do advice for lotsa reasons--cuz we're just complete strangers on the internet, we're not professionals here, so not qualified to advise anyone in any situation, not on any kind of payroll, and what we do here is just talk of our own personal experiences, what worked for us. What worked for me may not work for anyone else. Just thought to give a heads up before you make a post asking for advice from us.
    ~Tasha

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  3. #2
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    i been reading this flyer for people who know someone whos being abused, how to support them - it said there to avoid giving advice cuz the victim is the one whos gonna be stuck with the consequences, so they gotta be the one making decisions too. made sense to me. cuz we arent trained or anything, just a bunch of random people who were hurt - what if we tell you to do something, and you do it, and it backfires - not like you could sue the person who gave you that advice, maybe they are gone long ago, its an anonymous group...

    heres the link to hotlines, chatlines, and other organizations that can offer professional help, someone trained/qualified to talk to about whats going on and what are your options.
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  5. #3
    bellachicken Guest

    I'm looking for advice

    I've been living with my family of 5 since I was born. I don't remember much of my childhood, but I remember it was uneventful in terms of abuse. As I got older, my mother began to emotionally abuse me. It was passive. Things like "that doesn't look so great" or "when you grow older, you are never to leave me, no matter what. You will take care of me as I get older, whether you like it or not" and sometimes there were the straight up commands: "do the laundry, take care of all the dishes." etc. I was young when it was like this, around 6-8. I didn't think much of it. I thought it was normal. As I got older, around 9, I had read that American Gurl doll book that we all read, and it had some stuff on abuse in it. All of a sudden, it hit. All the signs lead to it. I ignored it and didn't seek help. When I got to age 10-11, my mother had lead me to believe that the only reason she gave birth to me was because I was to do housework for her. She had told me this several times. I started crying each night with a feeling of displacement and sadness because I so badly wanted to get away. I hated myself because my mother had brought me down so much. I constantly lived in fear of not pleasing her and not being who I wanted. I thought of running away, and as I got older, suicide. When I turned 13, all hell broke lose. When I was younger, I loved school because it was an escape from home and the horrible feeling I had when I was there. But my parent were my teachers this year and they constantly gave me hell. I was given unrealistic expectations and I was compared to other students. At home, the demands continued for housework and the emotional abuse continued so badly I was cutting and crying myself to sleep. I started having this reoccurring nightmare where my mom chased me around the house with a knife and I tried to escape. I still have this dream about once a week. I'm currently 14, and I'm haunted by the memories of my mother crushing my dreams, and pointing out my flaws. She told me my project looked like crap, or that I was dressed like a slut. She told me I had a zit on my face, if things weren't bad enough already. I'm choked up just writing about this. My mother has always caused my self esteem to go down drastically and all I want to division escape, but in too young to live alone and I have to live with my mother when I grow older, as you might remember. She has threatened me before, death threats. "If you don't do this, I will kill someone or I feel like I need to hurt you." These scared me so much I hid in my room whenever I could in hopes of shutting it out. I started to lie simply to my mother, because I was afraid I would be hurt.things like if I led about doing the laundry or eating cake. She always knew and I felt threatened and scared. I would be punished. I can't talk to anyone about this, not even a friend. My mom and dad teach my friends. My mom is close friends with my counselor at school and she would not be a help. I am too scared to call a help hotline because I know I will get caught. Please, give me advice.

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    I am sorry to hear that you're afraid in your home situation. for you

    I think you maybe didn't read the previous posts here which said giving advice is not something that we do here, it's not what we're here for. We don't know what kinds of services are available in your area to make suggestions since the members here live all over the world and we might not even be in the same country. We do have some stuff in our library here that could be helpful for you if you want to take a look, but they are mostly hotline numbers or places online you would have to contact because no one else can do that for you.
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  7. #5
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    Hi Bellachicken...just a thought does you school have a student health service?...think most do...up to you but may be one option to explore...a way of getting some support to help you look at your options.

    Just a thought really...one for you to consider. Hope you find your way through things.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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  9. #6
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    thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by Tasha1701D View Post
    guest,

    I relate to struggles with relationships, abuse aftermath, frustrating situations with family, and lots of other such things, but if you've come here looking for advice, that's not something we can help out with here. We don't do advice for lotsa reasons--cuz we're just complete strangers on the internet, we're not professionals here, so not qualified to advise anyone in any situation, not on any kind of payroll, and what we do here is just talk of our own personal experiences, what worked for us. What worked for me may not work for anyone else. Just thought to give a heads up before you make a post asking for advice from us.
    thanks for yourhelp

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tasha1701D View Post
    guest,

    I relate to struggles with relationships, abuse aftermath, frustrating situations with family, and lots of other such things, but if you've come here looking for advice, that's not something we can help out with here. We don't do advice for lotsa reasons--cuz we're just complete strangers on the internet, we're not professionals here, so not qualified to advise anyone in any situation, not on any kind of payroll, and what we do here is just talk of our own personal experiences, what worked for us. What worked for me may not work for anyone else. Just thought to give a heads up before you make a post asking for advice from us.
    I always felt like it never had any impact, I knew it was wrong, but as I've grown up, I've always acted like it was the same as some asshole who bullied me, or the dick who pushed me on the subway, but now I have my first serious relationship and I can't stop relating sex back to those moments... It's just like being transported back, I lose the moment and hate everything. I Can't escapeit.

  11. #8
    Unregistered Guest

    has anyone been here?

    Hi All,

    I would really appreciate advice. I was in a DV relationship for the last 6 years, 4 years was on and off and the last 2 year he wasn't in the picture but, we were in hiding as I didn't feel safe. We have a 5 year old, when my son was 4months old I couldn't stay anymore the abuse; physical, verbal, emotional and left him without him knowing I was leaving. When my son was 13months old my ex ran off with him and kept him away from me for 3 weeks and when my son came back I'll just say he's only in the last few months having bad dreams that I was going away from him" my ex from when my son was 13months old till 2.5years old my ex spent every second weekend with my son. 2years ago he was sentenced to 1 year in prison but was let out on parole after 6months for assault on me and I believe because the abuse was done in front of my son that was added.
    I had to take my son to a counsellor from the trauma, I did lots of courses last year and found my strength, the only thing I couldn't move past was my love for him. I have been in hiding the last year and a half and I have been trying to move past my feeling and let go and been trying to move on and tried internet dating(failing). 5 days ago he contacted me, told me he was very sorry for all that he did to both my son and I, he said if it meant him staying away so that my son had a happy life he would stay away. but, before he said that he told me still is in love with me and if I agreed to take things extremely slow. he told me he complete a course that he had to complete apart of his parole, he answered a lot of things that was stopping me from moving past the past. I have spoken to a few counsellors because I do see changes in him but, I do have doubts, I forgave him and went back a lot of times trusted that it could be better

  12. #9
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    i hear what youre saying. cant tell you what to do though, it has to be your decision and your choice, cuz you'll be the one stuck with the consequences of it, not me. you and your son. i think it just boils down to reasonable degree of trust/belief that your ex wont abuse you again like he says. statistically its not likely, but of course he could be an exception. on the other hand, you have trusted him before and it turned out to be a bad judgment call. to the point that your 5yo needed trauma counseling and you were hiding for 2 years because you didnt feel safe. idk that i personally would wanna gamble with your and your sons safety by giving it yet another round, under these circumstances, but thats just me. whatever you decide to do, i hope you and your kid will be safe, and that his nightmares will go away.

    ps: closing this thread, seems like people respond to it without reading previous posts, not even the first post in the thread
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