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Thread: Im not sure if my friend is being domestically abused

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Im not sure if my friend is being domestically abused

    hey guys,
    My friend has been with her boyfriend for about 10 months and recently his behaviour towards her has concerned me somewhat.My friend suffers from panic attacks and he thought she was having one when she wasnt and he grabbed onto her arm and was squeezing tightly and causing her pain.She told him to stop as it was hurting her but he wouldnt for about a minute and then he stopped.She told me that his eyes looked vacant as if he was in a trance.This happened a couple of weeks ago.Recently sh told me that they were having an argument and he was sitting at the desk and she was on her bed.He came over in a rage,put his head so close to hers their noses were touching and he put his hands either side of her head,squeezed a little and pushed her head into the wall.I have recently visited her and there was no visible damage so I dont think it was hard enough to make her bleed.She has spoken of his anger problems however these have only developed in the past few months.I have told her she needs to leave him but I dont think she will.She has also signed him up for counselling but I dont think he will attend.When I meet up with her she always seems to be angry at him or complaining about him.What should I do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi read you message...

    It's a hard truth that even when an adult is making choices that we think are wrong...that may lead to harm...we do not have the right to intervene.

    Each and every one of us (provided we are in our right mind and not breaking the law) has the right to control and make decisions for ourselves...wise decisions, unwise decisions, decisions that make others gasp...the rider that comes with this is hat we are also solely responsible for the outcome of those decisions...ie if I opt to join my life and financial affairs with a known fraudster and he squanders all my money or marry a man with a history of infidelity and he cheats on me then I need to accept that these were likely and predictable consequences of my actions.

    imo the best you can do for your friend is be there for her...be a friend, try not to force you thoughts and opinions on her (I know from experience this can drive a wedge in any friendship). In a similar situation what I needed was not advice but support and a non-judgmental ear - someone I could turn to who would be there for me when my dreams proved to be just that - dreams.

    For you for being a caring friend.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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