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Thread: Moved Back in with Relatives, Moved Back into the Cycle

  1. #1
    27 Guest

    Moved Back in with Relatives, Moved Back into the Cycle

    Hi all,

    I'm posting in this forum because like many others I'm not really sure what to do in this extremely specific situation:

    I got really sick in college, after being a straight A student for all of high school and 1 year and a half in college I caught a lung infection so bad I could barely get out of bed. Even after petitioning, the major university that I attended covered up their dorm mold infestation that caused the infection. As a result I ended up moving cross country back in with my Mother and another relative.

    I was cautious, I talked about it for over a year on the phone. Things sounded better. It didn't sound like my Mother was entirely self focused, combative, or as eager to start conflict for entertainment purposes. I hadn't really known my other relative (John we'll call him) other than a few visits when I was 7. He seemed nice and respectful then.

    I got a good job--the job I wanted--within two weeks of moving. It was more than I could ask for after not being able to get a job because I was a returning student.

    But, three nights after moving back my mother spilled a tall shot glass of whiskey on me--she reportedly drank it each night to "help with going to the bathroom"--and after making a joke, John left in his truck and I was left to face her wrath. I was yelled at, everything was my fault, I broke down. I started to cry and shake uncontrollably. I grabbed a few personal possessions and left.

    Since then, I've been working full time and having to pay rent to live in the fighting, shouting, insults, and daily arguing between the two. He's the type that doesn't listen to or consider the feelings of others and reads into things that aren't there. She fights back. Neither of them have any hobbies, they don't go out often, and it seems like they just live to fight each other. After going through mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse as a child through the hands of step-fathers my mother has forced into my life, I can't take the yelling.

    I'm not sleeping. I sneak out to eat (or take food with me) when I hear they're not there. I have an unlimited bus pass, so when I have the weekends of of my 9 to 5 full time job, I try to stay away from home as much as I can. I get in trouble for not cleaning DAILY. John is retired and has no sense of time. I'm tired of getting in trouble for coming home tired and staying out of the fray. He's kicked out other people before and I don't want to be next.

    Now for the solution: I have a place I can go, temporarily. It's a house of a mutual friend of John's and myself that is up in the air as to whether or not it will go into foreclose, so I'll have a month maybe two at the most. But I won't know until 5 days from now if I can move in--talks with the bank etc. If I move in to the temporary place and save two months pay, I can find my own place. However, if I move out of my current location with John and my Mother, it will cause an argument. I also have parents of a friend who love me dearly and are will to help me out financially to get a place of my own faster. With what I currently have saved and some help, I could avoid the temporary place, but I don't want to burden them.

    But... I can't take it anymore. The nightmares are back, my post traumatic stress disorder issue from childhood I had under control are spiraling, I have flashbacks involuntarily, I feel nauseous, I'll back out only to find myself shaking and in a fetal position.

    I'm 24 years old. I have only a year left of school until I walk away with two degrees. It shouldn't be like this. I don't want to fight with them. But I don't want to be walked on. I just want a place to live in where I am not afraid to go to sleep at night. Where I don't wait for the other occupants to fall asleep to eat or get some rest myself.

    I think I already know what I have to do, but hearing it from someone else may help.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TL; DR: Moved back home from college. Parental figures fight all the time. I pay to live there. The fighting is so bad that my PSTD issues are becoming invasive into my life. I have a good job and two solutions I can do: Get a temporary place with a family friend and save 2 months for my own place, but it will cause more fighting. Or contact parents of a friend and get financial assistance they have offered, at the cost of me feeling like I'm putting my problems on them.

  2. #2
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    Hey 27, sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds really tough. The abuse I experienced has really affected me and I'm glad I found a place like Fort to talk to others who had been through similar things. It's also been helpful for me to talk to my therapist about things, getting her professional perspective has been really invaluable in my efforts to heal from the abuse aftermath I still struggle with. Really relate with the struggle to figure out what to do, how to make my life better and into the good life that I'm aiming for. Thing is, can't really tell you what to do, not really what we're about here. Sounded like when reading your post that you've pretty much made up your mind, though, about what you wanna do. I can share that in my experience, ppl offered to help me when I was experiencing abuse, and it really helped me out of my situation. What also helped me was thinking a few steps ahead, so that I could get on my own as quickly as possible. Hope that your situation improves.
    ~Tasha

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  3. #3
    27 Guest

    Thanks

    Thank you Tasha,

    I appreciate support. I'm still pretty young--and therefore green--when it comes to matters of securing professional help. I've been attempting to research how to do so without spending the little bit of money I'm trying to save to leave. I literally came cross country with practically nothing for the sake of my current job.

    I apologize for posting for advice, I had read the site warning, though it was a result of me trying to find... some kind of support rather than ignorance. For that abuse of privilege, I apologize.

    Tomorrow will hold a lot of plans being made. I took the time to research women's shelters and aid ahead of time--as I've never been able to trust my family since I can remember. I feel as though it may be a wise idea to take the help of my friend's parents, they treat me as their own daughter and I suppose I should embrace that rather than laying my fears of being betrayed on them.

    I noticed you're a fan of ST. It's funny because I've often remembered lines from the show that relate to these abuse situations I've grown up in. Data and Spock are the reasons why I decided long ago to come from a place of neutrality rather than to argue. Though, it only seems to make my abusers more angry with me. I don't understand why. :/

  4. #4
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    Glad to hear that you have plans moving forward to get safe. The woman's shelters may have information on therapists or councilors that may work on a sliding scale or for free for a few sessions even. The t I started seeing had a sliding scale based on income, so that made it possible for me to see her even though I was paying out of pocket.

    I find trust very hard personally, so can relate to having trouble trusting the people that are offering to help you. There've been several times where I've trusted people who offered to help me and it went very well for me.
    "You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." -- Robin Williams
    "Don't be afraid of the shadows, that only means there's a light nearby." -- Evanescence
    "So when you’re feeling crazy, and things fall apart, listen to your head, remember who you are." -- Three Days Grace
    "But I am not really worried, I am not overly concerned. You try to tell yourself the things you tell yourself to make yourself forget." -- Counting Crows
    "Our brains are sick, but that's OK!"
    "Peace will win and fear will lose."

    "And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it, and keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone."
    "It ain't the speakers that bump hearts, it's our hearts that make the beat!" -- twenty øne piløts |-/

  5. The following 2 users say thank you to weepingwillow for this useful post:

    Jane (09-03-2014),Tasha1701D (09-02-2014)

  6. #5
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    You mentioned you're in school. One of my first therapists worked with the college I was going to, and the college paid for my therapy. I don't remember the precise arrangement at the moment, but it was a great help to me at a time when I really needed it. I also was able to live on campus, giving me a place to regroup, and a place that had security who I could go to if there were troubles. I also had a wonderful adoptive mom and dad who helped me, even though I felt awful about having brought this kind of thing into their lives. But they've told me many times in the years since that they wouldn't have changed a thing. What was really great with them is that they gave me some time to get on my feet, save money, etc, and once I had done so I started paying for groceries, various bills, etc, in addition to the chores around the house that I had already been doing. That way, I didn't feel as if I was taking advantage of them. I was just wondering if that would be something you could work out in whatever way you decide to go. It really helped me to feel like I was contributing, not just loafing around doing nothing. Since then, what I've found helpful for my recovery/healing is going to my therapist, as well as 3D and online support groups like Fort (which you're welcome to join if you wanna), talking with others who have been through similar things has been real helpful.

    Hehe, Star Trek was and still is a very important part of why I survived what I did. As you've prolly guessed, Tasha Yar was my favorite character, but was more than that. She was the reason I first had a bit of hope that I might be able to survive what I was living through.
    ~Tasha

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  7. The following 2 users say thank you to Tasha1701D for this useful post:

    Jane (09-03-2014),weepingwillow (09-02-2014)

  8. #6
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    Hi 27 sorry that you like many of us here you do not have a supportive family to turn to...that instead they add turmol to your life.

    First of all congratulations on continuing to make strides with your studies...I know how hard it is to keep these on track when you are being distracted and upset by personal problems.

    Your friends sound like true ones...clearly they care for you and your welfare. I am glad you have them there in your life.

    Given you history of abuse you fit Fort's criteria to become a member of our community...idk if this appeals to you as an option - if so you will find te link to register on the far right at the top of the header.

    For you and my best wishes that tings work out for you.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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