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Thread: Pain and aftermath of adult to adult rape -

  1. #11
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    Truly sorry to hear about what you experienced. for you. Many of us here at Fort know how traumatic rape is and how difficult the aftermath is. You asked for help with what to do as far as legal action, and unfortunately that's not something we at Fort can help you with--we're not professionals, laws vary by location, etc. You're more than welcome to join Fort if you'd like peer support for the emotional aftermath of your assault. I know that having support from my peers has been really helpful to me. You mentioned you have a counselor already--truly glad to hear you have some support in 3D. I know that my therapist has been really helpful in my efforts to recover from abuse and its aftermath. We have this page here in our library for rape survivors that might be helpful to you, wasn't sure if you'd run across it yet. for you. Hope you find the answers you're looking for. A lawyer might be the best bet for answers to your legal questions.
    ~Tasha

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  2. #12
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    i'm sorry that you were manipulated in such a manner on top of the abuse.

    let me state upfront i don't have a legal background. from your listed facts, a rape case looks tough to prove imo. i'm imagining a scenario where you have counsel equal to his. the texts, the invitation to your home, the approval of him staying overnight, the alcohol consumption, your co-workers seeing you together possibly hearing your invitation all fall in his favor. that said, no means no and he was given a sofa to sleep on. that could rest in your favor. he would simply say it was consensual and if me, on a jury, i might consider there was rape but as to believing without a doubt there was rape, or there was a preponderance of evidence for rape? i couldn't convict him based on the facts listed.

    this is only my personal opinion.

  3. #13
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    I am so sorry that this manipulative scheming man not only took advantage of you...but also skilfully took steps to ensure that it would be difficult for you to take legal action against him...prove that it was not consensual contact.

    Not your fault that you got hooked in by this predatory low-life guy. I am glad that your friends and family believe your version of what happened and are supporting you as you struggle not only with the aftermath of crime but also with the fact that it is unlikely that you will be able to make this predator legally accountable for what he so callously did to you.

    I hope working with a counselor helps you to process and begin to recover from this horrid betrayal of your trust.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  4. #14
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    Scared to Sleep, Eat, or Leave my Home

    I see him everywhere I go and in everything I do these days. I mean my rapist that is. My anxiety is through the roof and I can't control it in the slights. Last night didn't make it any better becauase at some point in the middle of the night I woke up to what I thought was him standing over me and saying my name. I shook and was terrified. I froze again. I moved to the other side of my bed and held onto my pillow for dear life as if it was going to happen again. I can barely leave my house now and to think that he could possibly get in horrifys me more.

    I've just started talking about it with some choice family and friends to see what I can do. I don't know if I'm even making sense I guess I just needed to vent for a minute.

  5. #15
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    Tasha1701D is offline Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    Really relate to the paralyzing fear you're speaking of here. So sorry that you're going through that. I know that for me, it felt like I was isolated and going through the fear alone. What really helped me was finding my therapist, and working with her has helped me work through my paralyzing fear, my anxiety, the certainty that the abuse would happen again, that those who abused me could do whatever they wanted, didn't have to obey the laws of physics. Wanted to share with you a link to hotlines, just in case you hadn't run across those. It has helped me very much to talk to someone trained, someone who could help me figure out my options and a plan of action. I've also found pages from the Fort library helpful for me. There's a page that talks specifically of rape, as well as a section for coping with the aftermath of various types of abuse. In addition to talking to my therapist, it has helped me to talk to others like me who have gone through abuse and know the trauma it leaves with us. You're welcome to join the Fort community if that's something you're interested in. Truly hope things improve, and you find the support you're looking for, both in 3D and online.
    ~Tasha

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  6. The following 2 users say thank you to Tasha1701D for this useful post:

    Jane (09-04-2014),weepingwillow (09-01-2014)

  7. #16
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    So sorry that you are going through all you are. What happened to you was big...a real violation I understand why it has left you feeling shaken and afraid.

    What happened to you was certainly not your fault...it was a crime...an utter betrayal of you. You deserve nothing but understanding and support. I am glad that you have found to courage to open up to a few trusted friends...from experience I know how hard it is to find the strength to do this.

    Must be your choice but like Tasha I have found working with a trained trauma therapist has helped me to process and start to come to terms with the abuse I was subjected to.

    For you.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  8. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    familyof23 (09-18-2014),weepingwillow (09-05-2014)

  9. #17
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    Raped by party boy

    Im here because I thought that I was okay with this but am now realizing that Im really not. I was raped in September and didn't tell anyone about it for two months. My family blamed me because I had been drinking that night and was pretty trashed. I haven't talked about this with anyone really because i do know what to say. His friend asked me to leave one frat house and brought me to his own house when I was drunk and delivered me at the door saying "I got you a present". I remember walking up the stairs and him telling me to come to his room. I can remember he had to hold me up because i couldn't walk. The worst part about the whole thing though is i can only remember the rape in flashes. I blacked out from the alcohol from most parts and don't remember the majority of it. I woke up the next morning naked in his bed in a strange house and was really *** sore. I couldn't find any of my clothes. I had to walk back to campus over 3 miles because I didn't want to ask him to take me any where and the most i had on me was my battery dead cell phone. I thought that i was okay with all of this that it was just some drunk hookup but it wasn't and i knew that. And over time its been building up problem after problem. I can't stand being alone now, which i loved before. I hate when my sister or mom doesn't make time for me or won't answer my calls because i feel like I'm not a priority anymore and i can't understand why. Can anyone please explain whats going on because i just don't understand anymore. Im so lost

  10. #18
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    Can relate to the turmoil this traumatic event has caused you. Bottom line is it doesn't matter if you are falling down drunk...no one but no one has the right to use this as an excuse to subject you to sexual activities without your consent...if you are drunk and unable to consent they have not right whatsoever to take advantage on you. Would not have a leg to stand on legally if you were able to prove that they did this. The only person to blame for this apparent crime is the opportunistic predators who sexually assaulted you.

    Can understand that what happened is right at the forefront of your mind. That you feel rejected by the unwillingness of your family to discuss and support you as you attempt to process and heal from what you have been through. idk maybe they are also not coping with the situaton...have had experiences where those close to me truly believe the way forward is not to talk about painful things...that it will help me forget them...it doesn't...just makes me feel more distressed and alone.

    In my situation I found it helped to work with a professional - was able to say what I felt without the fear of rejection...of not being understood or blamed.

    We have a list of contact details for personnel and agencies able to help peep in your situation which you may find helpful (link is in the header).

    I hope you are able to access the 3d support you so rightly deserve.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  11. #19
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    I understand where you're coming from.
    I was 17 and became drunk when I was lured into a guy's room with a promise of seeing his cool laptop. G*d I was naive.
    I was so trusting, you never expect anyone to do you harm when you're so vulnerable. You were drinking, having a good time.
    And these scumbag fuqbois come around and take advantage of a body and soul that isn't theirs to touch.
    It hurts. I never told my family, h*ll, I told my sister it was my fault and my mistake because I believed it so the entire time despite begging him during to at least use a condom. My sister likes to remind me "not to make the same mistake again this time".
    It hurts. I haven't told anyone but my closest friends and even minimal details to my current boyfriend.
    You feel like you're alone and everyone will blame you, but its not your fault.
    Being alone makes you feel vulnerable, as though no one is there to protect you, and I understand that. Its almost terrifying.
    I've spoken about my experience at "Slut Walks" on college campus and various other events for victims of abuse. I find comfort in sharing experiences with other strong beautiful people who help me feel like I belong, help with the isolation, and slowly piece together to broken parts of my soul that these monsters broke.
    I'm here for you anytime you need me.

  12. The following user says thank you to Mortif for this useful post:

    Manya (08-02-2016)

  13. #20
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    Imo...there is no excuse for non-consensual sexual activity. Everyone owns their own body...has an absolute right to decide who touches it. Also believe that consent cannot be assumed or forced eg if the person is too drunk to make an informed decision or the decision is obained under duress (by violence or threat ot misuse of power).

    Just a heads up...we have some links to help-lines and agencies that offer support to survivors of rape...to access these click on the 'help' button in the header.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  14. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    purpleclouds (08-02-2016),weepingwillow (08-03-2016)

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