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Thread: Pain and aftermath of adult to adult rape -

  1. #1
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    Pain and aftermath of adult to adult rape -

    I was raped while studying abroad. I went to a club with friends, and was roofied there. I don't remember much and had only one drink, but me and my friend Sam met this guy...I don't even know his name...He wanted to leave the club and get a couple drinks with me, but as I was staying at my friend Sam's host parents house she wanted to tag along to make sure everything went okay. We got to a bar and this is where parts of the night get a little fuzzy. The guy gave my friend Sam money to pay for our tab, and said we would wait outside. I remember being pulled down streets and was much farther from the bar then he said we would be. My friend Sam looked all over for us, when she finally found me she said I was passed out with my pants down around my ankles. The guy had already vanished. She had been looking for me for 30 mins. She put my pants back on and carried me into a taxi. I didn't remember much at the time, and shrugged it off knowing I didn't even know his name so I couldn't go to the police. I haven't really thought about it since then, but it's been almost a year since it happened and all of a sudden. I am having nightmares about it, and remembering more details from that night. I can't sleep. I haven't told my current boyfriend or really anyone back home about the rape, and I don't know if I should tell him. I feel like he may start acting weird or treat me different. Any advice?

  2. #2
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    I have just read you post...I am so sorry you went through the ordeal you did. What happened to you was big illegal and traumatic.

    Imho we deal with and heal from these sort of things in our own way and it is not at all uncommon to initial suppress tough life altering experiences. I know I have done this.

    What happened to you was not your fault...no way did you contribute to or cause it...you were the target of a scheming predator.

    You deserve nothing but understanding and support. idk if you have considered working with a trained trauma therapist...I found their input really helped.

    I hope your fears about your b/f's reaction are unfounded...he may be upset about what happened to you...however it would be very wrong of him to judge or blame you for this or for how you reacted.

    Hoping you find the support you deserve here at our friendly site.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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    Im so sorry you went through this, how horrible. I have no great advice just thought id mention none of this is your fault and you shouldn't have to work through the aftermath alone unless that is what you want but personally I have found having people around me know helpful the majority of the time.

    Sometimes you have to break down, so you can build up again

  4. #4
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    Tasha1701D is online now Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    I am so sorry to hear of what you went through. Relate to how hard it is in the aftermath of such horrible violations.

    Just wanted to share that for my healing, it was crucial that I found a therapist I was comfortable with. I didn't know if I could tell those around me about the things I've gone through. I had some people in my life tell me they just couldn't handle the knowledge, so by having a therapist, I at least had somewhere to turn, and she actually helped me figure out ways to talk to my family and some close friends about what I was going through. Joining here at Fort has helped me tremendously, too, cuz I know there are others here who "get" what I've experienced. It definitely helped me feel less alone. for you. I truly hope you find the support you're looking for and deserve.
    ~Tasha

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  5. #5
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    I would suggest calling around to find a support group or therapist. Most times we feel so alone in these situations, full of shame and feeling the need to hide everything. Revealing to your current BF might be better if you had other support as well. There is sometimes a stigma surrounding rape, certainly unwarranted, that partners struggle with. Oft times people want to make sense of the situation and try to use logic to explain what happened. There is no logic but your choices might be considered contributing factors by those that want a neat a tidy package. Rape is a violent act that is hard for many people to accept.

    When you find others, here at the Fort too, that have experienced this abuse, you will see that you are not alone, that your fears, reactions are really normal. There is a process to go through that will help to alleviate some of the aftereffects but it takes time. It might seem odd to you that after this time period that these effects are showing up but we often stuff emotions, memories, for years before they emerge. It can be really disturbing, frightening, almost like reliving the experience when they erupt but it's also the opportunity to heal.

    I commend your bravery in not only admitting the truth but seeking help. The fact that you know your current actions might be compromised by this past event is a huge step and it seems the right time to be proactive.

    Thinking of you.

  6. The following 3 users say thank you to terry for this useful post:

    Jane (06-21-2014),Manya (06-21-2014),weepingwillow (06-21-2014)

  7. #6
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    I posted this last night after having yet another nightmare, and I decided to join fortrefuge. I think I will also start therapy, but right now this is my first step. Your support already really shows me that this will be a great place to talk to people who really understand. Thank you all for your love and support!

  8. The following 2 users say thank you to dancer314 for this useful post:

    Jane (06-21-2014),weepingwillow (06-21-2014)

  9. #7
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    my boyfriend raped me

    My boyfriend raped me at school, having constent nightmares. What can I do?

  10. #8
    Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Tasha1701D is online now Fort Security Chief & Stargazer
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    Truly sorry to hear what you experienced. I understand how hard it is to experience such things, especially from someone you trusted. Here's a link to some pages in Fort's library that talk about coping with the aftermath of things like abuse or rape. Also got links to some hotlines you might find helpful as well. I've personally also found it helpful to reach out to a therapist, a few trusted friends, and to join a support group like Fort. Truly hope you find the support you're looking for. Sitting with you.
    ~Tasha

    May you have peace, live long, and prosper.

    "On the starship Enterprise, no one is alone." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in The Bonding, ST:TNG Season 3
    "Seize the time, Meribor-live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." ~Capt. Jean-Luc Picard as Kamin in The Inner Light, ST:TNG Season 5

  11. The following user says thank you to Tasha1701D for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (06-30-2014)

  12. #9
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    imho what happened to you was big...a real betrayal of your trust...unlawful and wrong. I am so sorry you were subjected to what you were. Understandably it has left you feeling shaken and violated.

    I hope you find the support you deserve and can trust to help you get through this tough event.

    For you.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  13. The following user says thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    weepingwillow (06-30-2014)

  14. #10
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    Afraid to Report

    I am a victim of rape that happened 7 months ago.
    After the assault, I was threatened and scared of the consequences if I went straight to authorities. Now I have mustered up the courage to finally share my experience with a few close friends and family members and all of them suggested that I go file a police report.

    Here are a few facts about my assault:
    1. I knew the rapist (He was a co-worker)
    2. We went out drinking (for the first time) with a group of people we worked with. I became to drunk to drive home, so he said he would take me. When we got there, he said that he wasn't sober enough to go home and asked if he could stay on my couch. (I agreed because I trusted him)
    3. He assaulted me by waking me up, without his clothes on and sodomized me while I was on my back. I cried and told him to stop and that he was hurting me, but he continued for a few moments longer.
    4. He did not ejaculate (his words "I can't ***") and got off of me to get dressed.
    5. While he was getting dressed, he threatened me by telling me he would be following me and would hurt me and get me fired from my job if I said anything to anyone. He also demanded that whenever he texted me, I would need to "come up with something clever to say in response so that it looked consensual"
    6. I immediately showered for what seemed like forever
    7. I did not go to the hospital or to the police in fear that he might hurt me
    8. He did end up texting me like he said he would and I falsely replied with clever responses like he wished. (Again, I was in fear of what he would do to me if I didn't)

    Now that I am opening up about my assault, I am worried that I do not have enough evidence to support a case against him and because I texted him back with false responses, I'm worried that it can actually be used against me in some way.

    I want to report it so that it helps prevent this from happening to anyone else, but I'm worried it's too late and that I don't have any supporting evidence to back me up.

    A side note: a couple of days after the assault on me, the same man was caught having sex with another female co-worker that took place at our work place and he was immediately fired and banned from the establishment. This made me feel safe because I knew he couldn't come back there.

    I am seeking counseling to help me heal from the experience, but I need help with what to do in terms of legal action.

    Thank you so much for your responses.

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