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Thread: how to help a friend

  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    how to help a friend

    My Friend has recently acknowledged her boyfriend has physically abused her. We had known he was a very controlling man with her and their relationship was on and off with a lot of verbal and emotional abuse But this was a shock. My question is how are we to be around him socially when we know this is happening? She told me and my daughter and said she told us knowning that if she decided to go back to him ( and she did) we would still socialize with him and not judge her ...I really do not know how We can be around him after knowing this. Should we continue ? I do not want her to pull away from us! and I did tell my husband and he wants nothing to do with him! She has no one else to confide in Im very worried please tell me the Right thing to do!! Thank you for advice!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    2,444
    you are between a rock and a hard place. morally, i understand that socializing with this man is difficult and being friendly would be an act. unfortunately, your friend has asked you to do just that. as her friend however, you need to decide what are your own limits, what feels right. i understand you want to support your friend but there's a difference between standing by her and engaging in what feels wrong.

    if me, i would state how i feel, from a place of compassion. i would express my concern but also state that socializing with him feels wrong unless he is seriously addressing his issue, with anger management classes, or therapy. your friend has put you in a tough spot asking you to accept him as he is.

    i would do what feels right for you and if that means seeing you friend alone, then she then needs to decide if she will accommodate your request. i certainly hope she can come to understand her part in this, allowing this to continue.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    22,408
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    Kindness & hugs.
    Hi

    I am in this situation. I was not able to maintain a social relationship with my friend's partner. This does not mean that I do not share the same space with him and others when this is required...that I do not conduct myself decently when I come across him and her together...however I find it too compromising of my values to invite him to my house or visit my friend when he is home. I explained to my friend how I feel (she is one of my best friends) she accepts my decision. We tend to meet up just the two of us (sometimes with her children)...we tend to avoid subjects (except the most general) about her husband. However I think she would seek my support if she felt she needed it...and I would willingly give it...however at this stage she has decided (as is her right) to remain with a partner who still leaves, visible bruises etc on her body. It is hard to sit there and bite my tongue...but this is what I do and have done for many years.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

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