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Thread: Lasting effects of emotional abuse/social withdrawal (2)

  1. #1
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    Lasting effects of emotional abuse/social withdrawal (2)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jane View Post
    As a person who also has lived with the experience of abuse and its life-changing impact I can really identify with your situation. Like you I ended up with many of the reactions you included in your list...I think everyone of us who has experienced abuse deals with it in their own...for many of us coming to terms and healing from the damage that resulted from the abuse is a tough roller coaster of a journey...often a two steps forward one step back sort of journey.
    However I can reassure you that with hard work, support and the help of a trauma counselor it does get better...with work things like social anxiety, fearfulness and esteem issues etc can be overcome.

    Thank you for your post...I admire your courage and wish you well with your own healing journey.
    Sleep disorders
    Low self-esteem or self worth
    Social withdrawal
    Self blame and doubt
    Anxiety
    Shyness or timidness
    Intense feelings of anger
    Weight gain
    Depression

    I feel scared to think that the list above has me pinned to the very last letter. Is it worth helping your partner through their journey of abusing you and making them stop....or should I just help myself.

    Mod edit: to ensure your post gets the exposure it deserves I have moved it into its own thread.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Is it worth helping your partner through their journey of abusing you and making them stop....or should I just help myself.
    I believe that no one should ever forfeit their life and happiness for another without a very, very strong and supportable reason.

    The reality is that you do not have any control over your partners behaviour...nothing you do or say can make him stop his abuse he is the only one who can do this...choose to do this. Despite promises of change, genuine sounding expressions of remorse, and expressions of love when it benefits them most abusers do not change...once they have hooked you back in they revert back to their old behaviour. Some say it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for an abuser to change their behaviour. The few who do show the following behaviours:

    • They admit and take responsibility for their abusive behaviour
    • They want to stop their abuse not because the courts or anyone makes them but because they want to
    • They enter treatment to correct their abusive behaviour, wonky attitudes and values
    • They commit to the treatment programme
    • They stop using abuse as a coping mechanism and learned socially acceptable alternative ways of coping.

    I can not tell you what is best for you. I can tell you that that I lived in hope of my abusive partner changing. If I was forgiving and kind enough he would...took me many, many years and too much heartbreak before I realised it was never going to happen and found the courage to put myself first...respect myself enough to leave. Now I am astounded that I stayed so long.

    For you as you find the courage to look at the options and make the choices that are best for you.
    Rest in my arms precious child; cradled and warm. You are safe. The war is over.

  3. The following 2 users say thank you to Jane for this useful post:

    Tasha1701D (12-17-2013),weepingwillow (12-17-2013)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    10
    I can relate to a lot of this list. It's a long hard road breaking away when your heart gets so into these relationships. I hope you find the courage to do what is right for you.

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