Should I tell her therapist
Question for Survivors with DID
My wife has exhibited DID "behaviors" for a number of years, she is a Survivor (Father Incest and Assaults during Adulthood).
In 2012 she was entering into Menopause. She was dealing with multiple stressors and we were having extreme financial troubles. Then our youngest Son was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoid Leukemia. The diagnosis was a complete shock to us and the 3.5 year treatment regimen seemed impossible, for our son and for our entire family.
My wife "cracked" mentally and began suffering Complex PTSD symptoms with night terrors and panic attacks and began "splitting" into different "alters". She has exhibited time gaps, "amnesia" about conversations, appointments and stated repeatedly that she felt like she was "going crazy". A couple of times she referred to herself as "We" and spoke to me in what sounded like different voices. She has exhibited some of these behaviors throughout our 20 year marriage, but the past four years have been much, much worse. I have tried to talk to her about DID but she tells me that I am crazy and that she is fine....even though I know she is not fine. She seems to be getting worse instead of better.
I do not think that her therapist knows what is really going on.
Should I tell her therapist about her alters and her time gaps and amnesia ?
Should her therapist know that she is exhibiting the signs and symptoms of DID ?
Thank you in advance for your replies,
Desperado
Thank You All for Your Honest Replies
Thank you Purpleclouds for your your lengthy and well reasoned reply - and Jane and Sunflower and MakeshiftWe for giving me your perspectives and direct opinions. I am not offended nor do I feel that you were being too harsh - the purpose of my post was to Gain Understanding. I appreciate you delineating the role of the therapist and how important it is for my wife to feel safe and protected in that T relationship. My wife has expressed suicidal thoughts and extreme depression and I have been concerned for her safety. I realize that she is on her own path and that her recovery is on her timeline, but I ache for her when I see her being so miserable and I ache for me when she is acting out against me and making me crazy.
Her "protector" self is very strong and she is not open to "feedback" or any suggestions about managing her mental health - when I have tried to talk to her about the time gaps and the incorrect or totally missing memories (appointments, agreements, entire conversations) switching she argues vehemently and denies ever having said or done the things she clearly had said and done. There are times that I feel like I have fallen down the Rabbit Hole and that nothing makes sense...I just wish the craziness would go away and that I could have my wife back....the woman she was before the "change".
I have no contact with her therapist other than the fact that the men's therapy specialist that I worked with in the past is the main clinic director and he directly oversees my wife's counselor because she is still interning and under supervision. I can seek his advice and report my concerns and what I have observed and trust him to intervene or assist if necessary. I have my hands full trying to deal with my own recovery and trauma so I don't have any calories to burn on trying "fix" her or her therapist. I am just concerned and I wish that my wife could get a clear diagnosis and specific treatment that will help her.
I have a close friend that is completing his Masters degree and certification as a Marriage and Family Therapist and he told me that they have been taught that protocol and policy requires that they Reject any unsolicited communications from Friends or Family regarding one of their Patient / Clients because of HIPAA regulations and confidentiality. The only exception would be in an emergency if the Patient was in danger of hurting themselves or others.
I will probably wait until she has one of her "cogent" moments when she opens up and says "I feel like I am going crazy and I cannot remember where I was or what I did" and try to gently explain to her that she may want to talk to her therapist about it. I appreciate the suggestions to not be too clinical or attempting to diagnose her but to listen and to suggest some things for her to consider.
Thank you again for your time and attention - I value your input.
Desperado