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  • 08-07-2018, 10:40 PM
    Hello. Sorry to hear that things are so bad right now. I hope you are able to remain safe. There are a lot of aftereffects of abuse. Its not an instant change and everything is better at once. You may want to look into our member folders, looks like you've registered, find some support there as well.
  • 08-07-2018, 06:03 PM

    Im new to this..managed to leave a 2nd time..

    Hey Everyone, im new here..after meeting this guy in a dating website. We hit it off..things were great. Then he started hitting me kicking me i always got back with him despite it. He always promised me he would change. Things just got worse. This happened all last year. On new yrs he got out of control and really hit me..i finally had the stength to leave. I didnt understand when things were good they were great and when things were bad they were horrible. And got with someone else..which he turned out to be bipolar and strung out on meth. he was also abusive verbally and physically. The guy i had been with that abused me the first time got out of jail for unrelated reasons..and i was vulnerable..he had written me drew me pictures and stuff..i know cheezy huh anyway i really thought he changed he swore things got out of hand cause he was addicted to meth and wouldnt lay his hands on me. I moved in with him within the week and things were good. He was sober but when we argued he would push me..i didnt think much of it since it wasnt a hit. On different ocassions he pushed me..last night he said he didnt like my attitude pushed me and i defended myself..he kicked me bruised my body punched me in the face and smashed my head against the wall and the tv remote. He hit me on the side of my thigh with my shoe. I can hardly walk. Nothing broken thank God. He spit in my face told me no one loves me he feels sorry for me and im nothing. Called me every name in the book.I called my parents and now i am staying with them they picked me up from the hospital...hes in jail i pressed charges. I cant believe im back in this situation. I feel so stupid..i couldn't believe he'd dp that again after me giving him the benefot of the doubt again. I just dont know where to start scared. I feel guilt cause hes in jail. I know i shouldnt..theres something wrong with can i not feel like i have worth..i use to be a free spirit. And happy..i am completely broken now. More than i was before.
  • 08-05-2018, 08:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by leolady22 View Post
    Hello all,

    I am new the community. I am a survivor of domestic violence. I have only had one abusive relationship. It last from the time I was 21 until I was 26. I met this man when I was 17 years old.

    I am new to the survivor community. I still feel shame about having been a victim. I have been blamed for the abuse. I have been blamed for retaliating. I have been emotionally abused, name-called... I can't even count how many times he physically hurt me.

    I don't want to admit I am a shell of my former self. Any guidance in how to recover is appreciated.
    Hi, sorry to hear about this, it will take time to rebuild, I would advise you to stay away from any kind of relationship until you feel strong in yourself again because you might end up repeating things or accepting to be treated less well than you should or could be. Give yourself plenty time to recover.
  • 08-05-2018, 01:24 PM
    See you are registered Xneen - expect you have had a poke round the members' only sections of the site have lots of convo's on a wide ranging number of DV related topics in our folder on that subject. Good to have you on board.
  • 08-05-2018, 04:21 AM
    Thank you
  • 08-02-2018, 12:50 PM
    Hi Xneen - first of all welcome to Fort glad you stepped in...

    Can relate to feeling like a victim rather than a survivor...sure felt like that when I initially escaped my abusive situation - overwhelmed and emotionally battered - relief that I was safe but still feeling like I had plenty of wounds to lick. Hope coming here adds to your sense of being less alone as you work on processing the trauma you have been through...begin to heal.

    For you
  • 08-02-2018, 10:55 AM

    Domestic Violence victim here

    I say victim cause itís all so fresh and I havenít really addressed this the right way. I suppose this would be a step in the right direction.
  • 05-14-2018, 08:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by So stuck View Post
    I just don't know what to do ... I'm in a relationship that is killing me one day at a time ... I try so hard to keep the peace cause I do care about the emotional drama he is going through ... but he is so rude to me .. not picks at everything... all ways looking for a fight ... he never have anything nice to say .. he's a drunk and his behaviour is getting worse he's breaking things .. he landed up in hospital conscious... but he just can't see he has issues ... anyway I did so much for him today and he came home and got drunk then through our only source of heating by smashing it on the floor ... then I lost it I got up and pushed him to get him out of my room .. then his anger and his verbal abuse towards me got out of control ... I know I have to get out ... but I'm so isolated now from my friends a family because I have been so embarrassed...I just want to pack up and leave ... but all our money is tied together and I have no one to turn to .. to help me
    Wow, I am sorry you are going through this and I hope since then you moved on from the duche bag. Someone that drink definitely has not control over himself, well not a drunk. They can definitely very abusive, you should find help. I do also know that if you are being abuse hey can be taken out of the premises and in the meantime you can take some money out. Get as far as you can... Just my advice sometime you have to do whatever to get away and survive just for yourself . I live where a ton of people don't have no help nor seek for it and commit suicide and it hurts. to know they could of gotten help and they didn't. Amazing people also.
  • 05-13-2018, 08:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Iím terrified. My boyfriend of five years smashed my car windscreen and side window yesterday with his fist as we were driving. He was in a rage. He was so angry it was terrifying ... Iím so alone , I donít feel like I can talk to anyone about his violence and verbal abuse.

    There is so many here that will alway hear you out. There so many people you can contact never feel like you are alone in this world because you are not.
  • 05-13-2018, 08:10 PM


    - I am sorry you had to go through that. It's definitely not an easy thing to go through. But I hope that your next relationship he truly treats you the way a real man supposed to. But don't rush it. My true best advice is to take self defense class just so this type of situations won't ever happen to you again. Just be grateful you still alive and you got away and he best thank you for not pressing charges on a coward that he is for laying his hands on you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I got married to my husband at the age of 19. We were together for a little over a year when we made the decision to get married. He had been in the military for almost a year at the time. We knew we wanted to spend our lives together. He was always sweet and made me feel like I was a real life queen. He treated me with the upmost respect. I never doubted my love for that man. Once we got married our transition was really smooth thanks to the army. I dropped everything and moved away from home to be with him. He always struggled with his own past and I knew if I moved to be with him I would be able to help him get the help he needed and just take care of him. Everything was fine for a few months when one day I noticed he didn't look at me the same. I could see the hatred in his eyes. He would find any reason to get yell at me. He would make up scenarios in his head. He would blame me for literally anything that went wrong. For example, me not taking out the trash turned into me not caring about him. I had to pick up a lot of slack and walk on eggshells in hopes that nothing would trigger his anger. He would try to make me sleep on the couch, stand outside in the freezing cold, or kick me out of the house in the middle of the night in a town where I knew no one. One night in the middle of an argument he snapped. He had started physically abusing me and I was in complete shock. He had come from a family where the women in his life were abused by there ex's. He's watched it happen to his own family and would say that he would never lay a finger on me because of it. He lied. The first night, I was helpless and scared. I screamed, but no one heard me. I laid in bed as he choked me and hit me if I made any type of movement. The next morning he acted like it never happened. I was to scared to tell my parents because I thought he would find out somehow. I told myself that it was only one time and he would never do it again. Sure enough, he did. The second night, he got upset because I didn't take a blanket out of the dryer. This night, the abuse was worse than the first time. He ended up taking away my phone. He choked me time and time again. I thought that was it for me. I cried not because he was abusing me, but because I thought I would never see my sister again. The following morning I called my cousin who had just recently moved 3 hours away from me luckily. She was the closest person to me. I packed all of my stuff and my cousin came and got me. The next day I was on plane to go back home with my family.
    The hard part is building up the courage to divorce him. I didn't press charges. I didn't take the situation to the military. He still has his freedom. I still talk to him everyday. I still love him. But I know the best thing for me is to get a divorce and move on because I'll never feel safe with him again. When I bring up divorce he threatens to commit suicide. I can't leave him because if he isn't just crying wolf then I feel like it would be my fault and I can't have that on my heart. I hate how he has such a strong hold on me and is continuing to manipulate my life.
    Mod edit: religious references and identifying information removed.
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