Reply to Thread

Post a reply to the thread: He wants to come back.

Your Message

Click here to log in

 

Additional Options

  • Will turn www.example.com into [URL]http://www.example.com[/URL].

Topic Review (Newest First)

  • 07-25-2018, 05:15 PM
    Unregistered

    It's a recognized syndrome

    One's brain chemistry is altered by the abuse and when one gets out, the brain chemistry goes rather crazy, leading the victim of abuse to seek out the familiar in order to get back to an equilibrium that is familiar.
  • 07-04-2018, 05:35 AM
    Unregistered
    Thank you so much, I was thinking this but was afraid to admit it to myself. The truth is I have something in me that says go back because no one else is gonna want you and another part in me says I am okay if I am alone for the rest of my life.
  • 07-03-2018, 12:24 PM
    Jane
    Hi Renee - glad you stepped in...

    idk if your ex was the same as mine - but one thing he was good at - very good at was using his charm - mounting an offensive to hook me back in - his avowals of being a changed man certainly sounded heart-fel and genuine - so much so that over and over I took him at his word and returned. In my case (and that of many others who share here) his promises never lasted. Once he felt he was back in control - had me where he wanted me he quickly reverted to his not ok behaviour...not saying that this same pattern of him appearing remorseful not for the right reasons but to manipulate me - get his way. Got to say I did not help the situation by being gullible/wishful and not facing the facts - remembering that this was a ply he played over and over...that never ended up good for me.

    Just my two cents worth - hope it helps. Oh and heres a link to a web-page that may helps you to answer the question "should I reunite http://themendproject.com/wp-content...eunite-new.pdf
    And the introductory few passages to give you a sense of whether it might help you decide what is best for you.

    "Reuniting While neither the victim nor the alleged perpetrator may like to hear this, any reunion rests mainly on the shoulders of the perpetrator. Reunion depends on wanting help and getting the right help. And that wanting means that the perpetrator finally comes to a place of recognizing and taking responsibility for his abuse. He may have refused to admit to his destructive behavior or that he needs help. His friends may egg him on, escalating the abuse. He may dismiss the seriousness of his actions, belittling her for being “weak.” Perhaps no one will intervene. He will not be contradicted in his positions. Until he can come to terms with the reality of what his partner has been suffering, reunion is unrealistic.

    The victim does not carry the responsibility for the actions of her partner. There is no excuse or supposed reason for abusing anyone, at any time, under any circumstances.... Abuse is NOT a mistake. It IS a choice. The victim will have her own work to do in terms of becoming free of fear, implementing strong boundaries,..."
    A. Ottmans (2016) Mend Project - SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? AND SHOULD I REUNITE? themendproject.com
  • 07-03-2018, 06:58 AM
    Renee75

    He wants to come back.

    My name is Renee and I am a 43 year old African American woman, who over the past two years was involved in a very emotional and physical abusive relationship. My ex was a Caucasian man who was addicted to crack, cocaine and any drug he could get his hands on. I experienced abuse on every level and was outcast by my family for enduring such abuse. I lost everything my house, my car , my job and even my baby that I was pregnant with. After a car accident I was able to get free from the situation and take refuge with my parents while I try to recover. He recently tried to contact me through Facebook and please that he is getting better and has been in rehab and wants me back. I am so confused why do I feel the need to go back to him , especially since I still have vivid flashbacks of the abuse. I sometimes stop in the middle of the day and remember things and start crying. Am I being stupid and over dramatic as he use to call me.

Posting Permissions

  • You may post new threads
  • You may post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •