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  • 10-19-2017, 09:01 PM
    that counseling works best if the person does not feel coerced to be there. Once attended couple counselling with a reluctant partner. In his opinion 'we might as well have put the money we spent on the floor and set fire to it'. Can see why he felt like this. He didn't want to be there, did not want to discuss issues that he felt had no foundation and certainly did not see any need to change the dynamics of our relationship. Was disappointing but the only option for me was to accept how he felt...not agree with it but accept that this was his truth. Needless to say our relationship didn't have a happy ending. We stood too far apart on important matters to be able to work as a functional team.
  • 10-19-2017, 07:15 PM
    Also, it might have to do with a struggle for control. Everyone has such great answers. In order for counseling to benefit her she needs to want to be there and feel itís her choice. It sucks that she went through what she did and I would imagine she may struggle with feeling she is making decisions or having control. Maybe support the positive coping you do so? Is there anything positive she is or can do?
  • 09-10-2017, 06:15 PM

    When mine won't go to therapy its time for me to go

    I thought that access to therapy and mental health care and support was one of the best things I could offer my kids. I sure wish I'd had this access when I was a kid. I thought that my willingness to offer access to counseling/therapy would at least assure my teens I will be honest, not keep secrets, and be willing to look at and correct my own shortcomings; and have these be scrutinized by professionals. My teen daughters are only interested in counseling therapy during times of high anxiety, such as dating a new guy, starting up in a new school. Other than these times, when I suggest therapy, my kids respond with "maybe you should go mom". More often than not, I do go and more often than not this ends up being helpful for all of us. We've been through some trauma but it's passed now. The kids are moving on with their lives and they know that all they ever need to do is ask and whatever support is needed will be provided to the best of my ability. It sounds like you are doing this also and I don't know that there is more that we can do. You may find that therapy for you regarding your concerns over your daughter may be very helpful for both of you.
  • 09-03-2017, 09:02 PM
    If you are interested we have some great articles on therapy/therapists...choosing one and such in our library also links to agencies some of which offer on-line or face to face support (by professionals or trained volunteers) listed under the help tab in our header.
  • 06-19-2017, 05:18 PM
    sometimes we overthink things. im guilty of that a lot. just take it a day at a time and see what comes of it. 97% of choices we make can be undone. at least in my experience. so i don't worry to much about 'yes' answers.
  • 06-16-2017, 01:29 AM
    I don't know. I'd written a long post but deleted it. I can talk myself into both points of view, which is why I'm so bad at making decisions. The safest is to just say no to everything.
  • 06-15-2017, 03:11 AM
    asked and answered for the most part I think but i agree with a couple here you might want to get another opinion some even offer free consults or sliding scale if $$ is an issue. not sure about shrinks 'talking up' -they are human so anything's possible I saw one who's ego was more the deciding factor on what was 'wrong' with you. he gave me all kinds of labels but i didn't think he was right so i let it roll off and ended up going elsewhere. later this same shrink lost his license over some unethical stuff he did with a patient. so, yeah, other factors besides professional opinion could be influencing them (not necessarily $$) and a 2nd opinion can't hurt and sometimes you should trust yourself.

    right or wrong, if you're looking for therapy then whatever issues you have whether minimized or not will most likely come about.
  • 06-14-2017, 11:30 AM

    Read your post and think that it is my experience (also) that it can be harder to pull out of a contact like this when having more appointments. I myself wished I had listened to my gut-feeling when in a situation like you describe.
    I didn't listen and since I am 'very good' in 'only seeing the best in things' and to things that 'actually dů work' , I've not done a good job 'protecting' myself in a certain th*rapist relationship. I regret that.
    Looking back, I did know (deep inside) that I should not continue with this th*rapist, but I did.

    Not saying this is the case for you also. Just sharing my experience.

    Good luck in finding your way !
  • 06-14-2017, 01:32 AM
    Thanks everyone. That's all really helpful. I guess I'd like to be able to know for sure that he's at least genuinely believing these things (even if mistaken) and not just saying it to get more fees, but other than what I've done - googling, asking queer people I know etc. - I can't really think of anything else I can do to check that. I don't get a vibe of deceptiveness from him but I don't really trust my instinct on that either.

    He says many things that are alarming and strange. But then other things he says make more sense than anything an outside person has ever said to me, which I guess is what's tempting me to stay with him and try to find the $$ to be able to do that.

    I'm probably acting like I'm signing my life away by agreeing to go with him, which is stupid - I know I'm not. I can stop anytime I want. For some reason though it feels like if I go down this route with him, it will be harder to stop and back out of than it is right now - harder than just cancelling the next appointment and saying, "sorry, this isn't helping so I'm moving on".

    I have no experience with therapists. It's a weird place to be.

    I'm sorry if this sounds strange or incoherent. I just don't know how to work it out. It's new.
  • 06-13-2017, 02:05 PM
    Got a different call on this one - think I downplayed stuff, know I did. Took me a while to see that my T was not overplaying my issues, was instead giving them the attention they warranted. Took me time to accept when she had an emotional response to some of the very not ok stuff I had lived through this was probably more 'normal' than my deadpan disconnected reaction to it.

    Not saying this is how it is for you and your T - just sharing my experience for what it is worth.
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