Happy Holidays...

  1. Iris
    Iris
    hi thank you for this group.
    we grew up in a poor family where our mom was heavily medicated on psych meds and our dad was an alcoholic. christmas was a hard time for us.
    i remember being 8 years old and I was severly depressed to the point where i didn't want to get out of bed. what 8 year old sleeps in all day on xmas morning?
    maybe one who was kept up all night by drunkin singing and partying. one who had no hope and didnt want to live.

    we were the youngest in the family and there was 10 years between me and my next oldest sibling.
    it was just hard.
    i started dabbling in drinking when i was 10 on xmas eve so i could smile and be happy. im glad i avoided that road as an adult.

    my most memorable xmas was the one where my dad came and sat with us and talked to us.
    he gave us a chocolate bar he bought when he went out for alcohol.
    it was the only real gift my dad ever bought me.
    it actually meant more to me than any other gift cos it was given with love.

    now as an adult we panic when novemeber hits.
    like a wave of depression falls over us and engulfs us.
    alters scatter to safe places.
    little ones dream of santa and gifts that they have always wanted, while in their hearts they
    no it will not happen.

    family that don't give a shit about us all year call and make nice. blah f u
    sister sends us loads of chocolate despite our health and being a diabetic.
    mom always sends a nice card and sends love thats ok.
    my only friend spends xmas with his elderly dad who does not want to leave the house.
    they celebrate xmas eve. so im alone all day.

    Ash always encourages us to go online to support others on xmas.
    just to be there even tho the rooms are empty just in case...

    I usually get a plate of leftovers from bf holiday dinner. Its polish stuff we don't really enjoy.

    i should also write about our tree. we had decided a few years ago when we were more agile to get this giving tree. we bought a pink charlie brown tree from wallmart and did 24 days of random acts of kindness. just stuff like cards with 10 bucks for the homeless. a big tip at starbucks. dinner for the dude who dresses like santa outside of wendys and a hot cup of coffee for the panhandlers.

    i miss when we could do for others...now we can't even do for ourself.

    so little amber decided that that pink tree would be our xmas tree this year.
    she put snowmen decorations on it and a star on top. we got a few presents from sis. she actually
    acknowledged alters this year putting multiple names on the gifts. kinda cool.

    so now on dec 23 we just hold on and try to stay calm. we have extra anxiety pills for the season.

    xmas was a time of entitlment for our main abuser.
    entitled to r*pe and b*at us.
    to t*rture us and hurt us.

    kate hibernates until march usually.
    rest of us just try to make it thru.

    ty for letting me vent and post.
    sharing is kinda hard for me

    Jordan aka JJ
  2. quiltfairy
    THANKS FOR SHAREING .
    it sounds a lot like our christmas it used to be great i think i do not rember much of my child hood or much about christmas i do rember going to church on christmas eve and on christmas day of course we had to my dad was the minister the most i can rember is being threatened tohave my gifts thrown away.
    my first mariage christmas was usally spent in the truck i always got husband a gift but we never went any where and did not have a tree.
    second husband i got him gifts but he never even gave me a card he would just say lets go to the bed room and i will give you your gift it did not make me fill wanted.
    i was just thinking the best memories is going to grand parents for christmas grandma was the best cook she mad celery sticks with some kinda spread is them you had to be fast to grab one or they would be gone she would also make fried chicken .kinda funny this year my neighbor are haveing xmas together she is making fried chicken. i know it will be good but will never be as good grand ma's cook on a wood burning stove.

    god bless everone
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