is it only us?

  1. Marley
    hi All
    This time of year for us means external irl supports go on holiday, and we have to play "happy families" Family commitments yeyyyy cough choke. Finding something to be grateful for, mixing with all and sundry. "anniversaries. " We keep hearing how we should be grateful for family, but when family totally denies everything they can't see, and our mobility challenges which they can see, we don't "feel the love" that is shoved about.
    Are we the ungrateful we are repeatedly told?
    If we don't attend, we won't see our children and that is the only reason we go. We don't get to see them very often, and that hurts. The children are old enough to understand "depression" but they also discount it as does the family.
    Are we the only ones who say, "roll on January? "
  2. Cheesehead
    Maybe it's just that I've given up, but I go with whomever I love; NOT my blood relatives. What do they care? I don't think it's ungrateful to want to feel supported. I can totally understand going for your children. Make them your focus and enjoy that part. I like regular seasons better than holidays too.
  3. Marley
    thanks cheesehead
    if it wasn't for the kids, it would be soooo much harder, spose it will be for grandchildren next.
    families are soooo complex. know of several people who moved cross country/states to avoid this annually
    too attached to kids to do that and as our current T has believed us and literally encouraged us to sustain body life until next appt, this is the reason we are still close by. but it is hard at this time of year as hardly recover before next function hits.
    we hope this season is a safe one for you.
  4. Ash-li
    The f*m*ly (that's the only way we can refer to it) are horrible people. They just are. I didn't make 'em that way but they are horrible. And in their horribleness, they blame us.

    No Hallmark holidays here.
  5. LoneWolf

    You all got that right, and to add to that they won't forgive either. As if they are perfect.
    Yea right!!!!!! I rather just stay at home. curler up on the sofa watch TV and eat when you want (in front of TV)
    shhhh Hehehe! Tho deep down I would love to hear from my son. But I know thats not going to happen, so
    I have to try & move on.
    Is it January yet
  6. EllieBelleKitty
    I don't feel like I have had anything I recognize as a holiday in a few years, I guess because the holidays I remember were basically an illusion.

    I went back to IL to be with family for the last time in 2011 when I was getting engaged, and although that had always been the one time of the year when the family could pass for remotely normal or possibly even loving, it fell apart. My mother told me on Christmas Eve that I was essentially getting nothing the next morning because she'd spent all the Christmas money on a gift basket to impress my future in-laws, and a few hours later started harping about what a horrible man my soon-to-be fiance obviously was. The soap opera quality nonsense was too much for me, even without understanding that I was dealing with a narcissist and/or sociopath. She went back to trying to coach me on how to seem normal and attractive to the future in-laws...there was nothing left for me to do but cry. She asked me what I was crying about and I told her, "this was all a huge mistake." Of course then she's on my side in her own twisted way. "Ohhhh, are you having second thoughts about your relationship?"

    Couldn't take it anymore.

    "NO! I'm having second thoughts about this whole 'meet each others' families over the holidays' idea! This is nothing but chaos! This isn't a holiday, it's a job interview! I should have saved my holiday and everyone else's rather than allowing this fiasco to be piled on top of it. Trying to look perfect for dozens of people I've never met and pretending to be an extrovert is not my idea of a holiday, it's my idea of a mess! I can't even choose what to wear or what to say without being coached on it so apparently whoever these people are I'm never going to be good enough anyway. What was I thinking?!"

    "Gee, can't wait to see you the night before the wedding," she said.

    This kind of insanity went on the entire two weeks I was out there. Not only that but my grandmother who I actually love treated me like all I was, was the mother of her future great-grandchildren. Her gift to me that year was an embarrassingly ornate lingerie set. "After all," she said, "you have a boyfriend now!" She didn't even ask how my massage therapy business was going until they were driving me back to my return train to CA.

    That year ruined Christmas for me as I knew it.

    Last year I spent Christmas with D's family. Christmas there is pretty much like every other day there except with a tree in the living room, more people in the house, and less pressure to get things done other than watching movies. They're a great family but they don't seem to do Christmas much. They don't even go to ch*rch, despite being Chr*stians. I don't get it. Since my family still hates me and likely always will, and since D is my best friend, I'm going again this year, and it is going to be a lot like last year there, I guess, except they've already realized they have no money for gifts this year either. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad of the invitations and the company of my best friend, but...I don't have the words except to say that I feel like Christmas should be something more than this somehow.
Results 1 to 6 of 6