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  • Unregistered's Avatar
    11-18-2017, 09:20 PM
    Unregistered started a thread I'm not sure if my boyfriend's being abused in Guests
    Hi, I'm really glad I found this place, I just need an outside opinion. I've talked to my mum but she's quite... demeaning of my issues, nevermind my boyfriend's. We're both 17 and in a relationship for the last year. We also both have autistic tendencies (though neither of us enough for diagnosis). From the way he acts I've suspected something for a while. He apologises for everything, even if it was a complete accident or he wasn't even actually involved in the situation or the situation isn't an issue in the first place. He goes out of his way to please me, I mean obviously we're in love and want to make each other happy, but it's over the top, at the forfit of his own happiness. He expects me to find him annoying, he expects everyone to find him annoying, he still sort of believes I only keep him around because he's useful or I'm attracted to him. He can't believe I could love him, and finds any kind comment I make totally overwhelming. Sometimes I say "I hate you" if someone's teasing me, most of my friends would reply "Nah, you love me" but he curls in on himself (literally) and whispers "I know". It's horrible. If I'm annoyed or he hurts me accidentally he curls in on himself, doubles over and apologises profusely. He takes teasing completely genuinely (except with me more recently). He tries to crush all his emotions, berates himself for feeling, sometimes physically self-harming in public, but is actually incredibly emotional. He cried at any intense, negative emotion or serious discussion. He takes even minor criticism as an overly serious issue and something he should hate himself for. He has very few friends beyond those he's made through me and sees no one besides myself out of school unless we're meeting in a group. Because he thinks he's just annoying them. He also has graphic homicidal and very genuine suicidal thoughts. He finds the homicidal thoughts calming and loathes himself for it. All I've ever seen is a passive, submissive, sweet person but from what he says he had some outbursts of anger at secondary school, screaming at a teacher and once breaking a boys finger for annoying him. He absolutely hates himself, puts down his achievements, goes silent the few times I've genuinely (accidentally) hurt him and never offers his opinion, he will only back up my own in discussion without a lot of prompt from me. And then there's stuff he's actually said about his parents. I've met them and they're lovely, if very teasing, but he and his (much) older sister give it back too. But he considers his mother incredibly over protective to the point of condescension (but he is both a teenager and her son). He's mentioned she makes him feel guilty for having his own opinions. Despite being talkative with me, he says his father is very silent, typically "masculine", and shows no support. He once told his son he wasn't trying hard enough when he had a panic attack at school. My boyfriend hasn't told anyone beyond myself this and has cried and had nosebleeds when he has. He isn't good at eye contact at all. But I feel like sometimes things are just "lost in translation" on the other hand has parents should take that into account. He also spends all his time at home in his room. His mum compares him to his older brother (who abused drugs and alcohol, dropped out of uni, severly bullied my boyfriend and had completely unmanaged ADHD) all the time, and almost all the decisions he's made in his life have been to avoid being like him. He seems quite comfortable with his family but says he always feels like he's walking on eggshells. He's very indecisive. He also has some serious issues he needs to "sort through himself" before he tells me. I try to be supportive and comforting, a safe haven, as much as I can. I have my own issues. He really worries about his relationship with his family in the future. I also can't quite pinpoint an example now but he seems less emotionally developed in some areas. But to me he's kind, caring, protective. Sorry this is so long, I'm just really worried about him and have a mental illness of my own on top (that he helps a lot with). Being emotionally abused by his whole family bar his sister seems unlikely but... I thought I should find out
    4 replies | 39 view(s)
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