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  • Jobriel's Avatar
    Yesterday, 08:26 PM
    Jobriel replied to a thread * SUI Suicidal thoughts in Guests
    Welcome. This is a great community for people dealing with DID as well as suicidal thoughts. I've dealt with both of those, in the past 24 hours, and can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I can understand being invalidated by those who are in a position that could provide support if they chose, and I can also relate to the pain of abandonment very well. You are not alone.
    6 replies | 30 view(s)
  • Tasha1701D's Avatar
    Yesterday, 01:38 PM
    Tasha1701D replied to a thread * SUI Suicidal thoughts in Guests
    Really, really relate to this here. :rs
    6 replies | 30 view(s)
  • Kiel_Farren's Avatar
    Yesterday, 01:17 PM
    Kiel_Farren replied to a thread * SUI Suicidal thoughts in Guests
    I keep finding myself surprised by having more tears left to shed. I would've thought I'd run out by now, but somehow it's still so easy to fall into grieving or to crumble at a kind word. The only way I get through my day anymore is to bury my feelings as deep as they'll go, and hide behind my alters, and fake being okay for as long as I can until I get home and it's safe to breathe. I... no... we thank you for the welcoming messages. We're not used to speaking honestly in public. It'll take some getting use to, but, maybe it'll help.
    6 replies | 30 view(s)
  • Jane's Avatar
    01-14-2018, 05:08 PM
    Jane replied to a thread * SUI Suicidal thoughts in Guests
    :ws Kiel Hear your grief at the ending of a relationship that meant so much to you...the end of the support of someone you truly, felt understood and promised he would be there for you...the gap that has left in your life. As a person who lives with DID I understand how rejecting it can be to live with people who invalidate your dx. Is for this reason that I do not openly discuss it with anyone (only with my partner on a need to know basis). Is sad I know to reach the stage where this seems to be my safest option - would prefer it was otherwise. Reality is that it is not at all uncommon for people to deny the existence of things that make them uncomfortable - be it DID, same sex attraction, abuse and much more :dk probably says more about their level of tolerance, acceptance of diversity than anything else. Think you will find the community here, knows how importance acceptance is...to be able to live in a world where people (even if they do not agree - have a different opinion) treat others respectfully as equals. For you if I may - a welcoming rose :rs
    6 replies | 30 view(s)
  • kittenlover's Avatar
    01-14-2018, 05:01 PM
    kittenlover replied to a thread * SUI Suicidal thoughts in Guests
    :ws There are many times in my life when I've hung on by a thread. I think you'll find a lot of us here. All I know to do is sit with you and ask you to keep hanging on.
    6 replies | 30 view(s)
  • Sunfl0wer's Avatar
    01-14-2018, 04:45 PM
    Sunfl0wer replied to a thread * SUI Suicidal thoughts in Guests
    Hi Kiel, Sorry so many have let you down... Thinking that many here can relate to feelings of hanging by a thread. I also came here looking to connect with those who understand DID/OSDD and am quite glad I did because I have been comforted to read about experiences of others that I would not have guess I was not alone in. :ws Glad you joined us Looking forward to seeing you around
    6 replies | 30 view(s)
  • Kiel_Farren's Avatar
    01-14-2018, 02:27 PM
    Kiel_Farren started a thread * SUI Suicidal thoughts in Guests
    It would take a very long time to tell you how I got as broken as I am. Just... trust me when I say I’ve been hurting a lot, and for a very long time. Over two decades of abuse and pain... I’m here because I want more people in my life who understand what DID / MPD is. My mother, one of the people who’s tormented me in the past, doesn’t even accept the diagnosis and when she acknowledges it, it’s to mock me or make me sound like a monster. The one person who I loved, trusted, and cherished more than anything in this world, my rock, my beloved, my dream... my reason for living... he doesn’t love me anymore. He was everything I had left, after a lifetime of broken dreams and broken trust and pure agony, he was the only one who took the time to make me feel normal, to make me feel happy, to talk to my alters... to help them, to help me, to help us understand one another. And he promised me he’d always be there, he would always love me, he would spend the rest of his life with me—and it was a lie... Ever since, the thoughts of suicide—once, every few months, or every few weeks, have become daily, and on the worst days, hourly. People talk about happy endings after the dark times. It’s been said of Don Bluth, a famous film maker, that he once stated, “You can show a kid anything, as long as it has a happy ending.” To a lesser extent, we are taught that about life. That no matter what trauma you experience, you can still find the light and one day, you’re going to be okay. No one tells you what to do about when your happy ending ends. No one talks about after “happily ever after” when it turns out to be total bullshit. When the person you loved and trusted more than anything lies, when they abandon you, when everything you survived for just... disappears. I want to die. Not just because of him, or because I lost everything, or because I’m struggling to get through every day, or because all my plans for the future have been destroyed... not just because of all the other friends and lovers who’ve abused me or broken my trust... I’ve suffered for a very long time. I’ve fought for a very long time. Right now, I’m only alive for one person, and it sure as fuck isn’t me, and I just... don’t want this existence anymore. I’m done being a punching bag and a joke and a meal ticket and a mourner and a loner and a victim and a freak and a failure... I just want to stop being. But there must be something inside me that wants to live or I wouldn’t be trying to reach out for help. As badly as I want to just buy a gun and get it over with... I am still here.. Hanging on by a thread, and nothing makes me happy anymore, I have no joy left in my being, none that I can find... but I am here.
    6 replies | 30 view(s)
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