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  • Unregistered's Avatar
    01-26-2018, 09:14 AM
    Unregistered started a thread Abusers Getting Help in Guests
    I would like to hear others experience with their abusers getting help. My husband of 8 years was arrested for domestic violence almost 2 years ago. Since then he has quit drinking and started going to anger management classes. He's been sober for over a year and going to the classes for almost that long as well now. I see an improvement in his communication, but I still find myself tiptoeing around subjects and being afraid when he's angry. Has anyone ever experienced this? Does it get better? Do they get better?
    2 replies | 124 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    01-22-2018, 12:54 AM
    Unregistered started a thread Young domestic violence in Guests
    I got married to my husband at the age of 19. We were together for a little over a year when we made the decision to get married. He had been in the military for almost a year at the time. We knew we wanted to spend our lives together. He was always sweet and made me feel like I was a real life queen. He treated me with the upmost respect. I never doubted my love for that man. Once we got married our transition was really smooth thanks to the army. I dropped everything and moved away from home to be with him. He always struggled with his own past and I knew if I moved to be with him I would be able to help him get the help he needed and just take care of him. Everything was fine for a few months when one day I noticed he didn't look at me the same. I could see the hatred in his eyes. He would find any reason to get yell at me. He would make up scenarios in his head. He would blame me for literally anything that went wrong. For example, me not taking out the trash turned into me not caring about him. I had to pick up a lot of slack and walk on eggshells in hopes that nothing would trigger his anger. He would try to make me sleep on the couch, stand outside in the freezing cold, or kick me out of the house in the middle of the night in a town where I knew no one. One night in the middle of an argument he snapped. He had started physically abusing me and I was in complete shock. He had come from a family where the women in his life were abused by there ex's. He's watched it happen to his own family and would say that he would never lay a finger on me because of it. He lied. The first night, I was helpless and scared. I screamed, but no one heard me. I laid in bed as he choked me and hit me if I made any type of movement. The next morning he acted like it never happened. I was to scared to tell my parents because I thought he would find out somehow. I told myself that it was only one time and he would never do it again. Sure enough, he did. The second night, he got upset because I didn't take a blanket out of the dryer. This night, the abuse was worse than the first time. He ended up taking away my phone. He choked me time and time again. I thought that was it for me. I cried not because he was abusing me, but because I thought I would never see my sister again. The following morning I called my cousin who had just recently moved 3 hours away from me luckily. She was the closest person to me. I packed all of my stuff and my cousin came and got me. The next day I was on plane to go back home with my family. The hard part is building up the courage to divorce him. I didn't press charges. I didn't take the situation to the military. He still has his freedom. I still talk to him everyday. I still love him. But I know the best thing for me is to get a divorce and move on because I'll never feel safe with him again. When I bring up divorce he threatens to commit suicide. I can't leave him because if he isn't just crying wolf then I feel like it would be my fault and I can't have that on my heart. I hate how he has such a strong hold on me and is continuing to manipulate my life.
    1 replies | 55 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    02-11-2018, 08:48 AM
    Unregistered started a thread Discovered recently - how to move on? in Guests
    I had a bad sexual experience last year that I now understand as assault. A relatively new date came over for a date, but started having sex without a condom, which was against every negotiated and implied boundary we had. I should have spoken up, but I froze and didn't do anything, just waited for it to be over. Afterwards I didn't feel safe with that person and pretty much avoided them, although I couldn't really pinpoint why. I didn't think much about it; the only thing I took away from that event was a resolve to be better about speaking up and enforcing my sexual boundaries. I was so far in denial/repression that I didn't even take care of my health until weeks later, when prompted by a different event. Ever since that event, I'd been withdrawing sexually until I hated anyone touching me. Recently I found out that the person knew it was wrong, and did it anyways. This broke me. All the memories came back and I could interpret it for what it was, assault. Having a language to describe it helped. Knowing that it was their fault, not mine, helped. I thought I had recovered. But I get triggered easily, even just in conversation, and it's affecting my current relationship. I'm going to see a therapist next week. I can work hard to be grounded and try to move past it, but I don't know how to make it stick. How do I heal? What do I need to recover and stay that way, and feel safe?
    1 replies | 52 view(s)
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