Activity Stream

Sort By Time Show
Recent Recent Popular Popular Anytime Anytime Last 7 Days Last 7 Days Last 30 Days Last 30 Days All All Photos Photos Forum Forums
Filter by: Popular Last 7 Days Clear All
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    08-14-2018, 05:16 PM
    Iv just realised by moving away from my mother for the first time that I feel exponentially better without her, iv always had massive underlying anxiety, been really easily scared, embarrassed or nervous to the point of being sick, feeling extremely guilty and many other very intense negative feelings like there would be huge consequences, but in really trivial circumstances, always feeling under huge amounts of pressure, but I assumed it was normal and just done my best not to show any weakness, iv always done pretty well been really good in exams and other things as well as sports but socially iv always been really afraid like really really afraid and just always pushed through it but always felt so bad and felt so much pressure, i can remember physical and verbal abuse from about 12 years old and onwards from my mother after my parents got divorced, and before than physical and verbal abuse from my farther, who left during the week and then came home on weekends my entire childhood , and went to a child minders after school, but i cant remember any abuse when i was a toddler or any sexual abuse, i remember crying in front of my farther at about 14 and he just laughed straight in my face, and hes shot snot out of his nostrils onto my face onto my face infront of everyone at a family at a party during a polite conversation out of absolutely nowhere and then started laughing at my face, he also when i was arround 12 and had my first nokia phone which i first discovered porn on announced to everyone at another family party that id been watching porn and asked me to explain what i was doing to everyone and then laughed at me when i walked away, and his mates laughed aswell, just things like that, we use to always wrestle eachother aswell and he always use to win and tickle us but really hard and for a very long time putting his entire weight on us with big cushions in between and pinning us down and tickling us like really so it was extremely unpleasant, i never use to instigate it he use to just start pushing me arround and wrestling me out of nowhere and i was pretty scared, iv also been really good in high stress situations and had a real knack for fist fighting/ contact sports and had an all round really addictive and destructive all round personality aswell and i cant shake my habbits, i think i would describe the feeling I get from my farther is I feel horrified when he comes to see me, also my little brother was put on medication that we just found out he did not need to be on for the last 10 years because he was acting out and biting people in his class, Im thinking that acting out could indicate some sort of abuse, he was punished far more often than me as he would scream and shout, he use to get shouted at very very loudly and agressivly and hit with a belt and be told to go to his room, they would also slam the doors and it also happened to me but not as often, but i cant really report is as it was so long ago, but now my farther is helping me with my university fees and giving me money to drive a car etc etc so im just getting extremely mixed signals, i lived in a very nice big house in a nice area with nice friends and family etc and we went on holidays occasionally but iv never felt right and always knew something was deeply wrong, and still feel an underlying fear and unrest and sickness to my stomach as i know somthing is wrong, iv always had difficulty understanding other peoples behaviour aswell and dont understand them or can relate to them, and iv only just realised that it was because my childhood was totally different, I was forced to make very adult like decisions and deal with allot of pressure with no escape very very young, and i would love to know if anyone has had a similar experience or can give me any advice of some sort, iv also been very close to murder many many times as I had huge amounts of rage built up and I always assumed it was normal but if someone insulted me i would want to kill them and iv only just realised this is not normal, i was very close many times but have managed to just keep it together, i was very close to being addicted to drugs and alchol at a young age as i found it to be such a relief, i have also seriously considered murdering my parents many many times, I have thought of moving away and changing my identity to escape them but i cannot let go of the financial help my farther is giving me, I also use to run away from the house when i was young and take food and go as far as i could, i did this multiple times aswell I dont want to let go of the financial help but i want to cut off all ties from my parents forever, i dont want to lose out on any inheritance I could potentially get aswell as that would be such a waste, and im thinking iv already endured it all now so what would be the point, i just do know what to think of the whole thing, iv only just realised that i have actually had a really tough life and it hasn't been normal at all and anyone who can realte and tell me what they did would be great
    3 replies | 44 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    08-12-2018, 11:22 PM
    Unregistered started a thread My boyfriend raped me in Public Forum
    I dated a guy for a few months who had been my best friend for years. We had sex throughout the relationship & it was consensual; however, iím not someone who particularly craves/enjoys sex. Especially not now. I decided that i didnít want to have sex anymore unless we got married & he agreed. We went a couple weeks, & one night he asked me to stay the night at his house. I argued because i knew what would end up happening if i did, but he promised me nothing would happen. In the middle of the night, i was woken up out of a dead sleep to him flipping me over onto my stomach. Half asleep, i asked him ďwhat are u doing..?Ē He didnít say anything. He ripped my panties off & started ramming me. I told him multiple times that it hurt but he didnít stop. My face was buried in the pillow & i just started crying bc i felt helpless. He finally finished, got up, went to the bathroom, came back & went to sleep. I cried myself to sleep & felt disgusting the next morning. I broke up with him not long after. I never told anyone because i didnít want to be the boy who cried wolf. I knew people would tell me that he was my boyfriend so thereís no way he could rape me. I also knew people would tell me i put myself in the situation so i was ďasking for itĒ, so i never said anything. To this day, my family still talks about how much they love & miss him because they donít know what he did to me. Theyíre so confused when i get mad at them for bringing his name up. I donít want to say anything to anyone & ruin his life. I just feel so alone & like iíll never want another man to touch me again.
    2 replies | 38 view(s)
More Activity