Activity Stream

Filter
Sort By Time Show
Recent Recent Popular Popular Anytime Anytime Last 7 Days Last 7 Days Last 30 Days Last 30 Days All All Photos Photos Forum Forums Groups Groups
Filter by: Popular Last 7 Days Clear All
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    11-18-2017, 09:20 PM
    Unregistered started a thread I'm not sure if my boyfriend's being abused in Guests
    Hi, I'm really glad I found this place, I just need an outside opinion. I've talked to my mum but she's quite... demeaning of my issues, nevermind my boyfriend's. We're both 17 and in a relationship for the last year. We also both have autistic tendencies (though neither of us enough for diagnosis). From the way he acts I've suspected something for a while. He apologises for everything, even if it was a complete accident or he wasn't even actually involved in the situation or the situation isn't an issue in the first place. He goes out of his way to please me, I mean obviously we're in love and want to make each other happy, but it's over the top, at the forfit of his own happiness. He expects me to find him annoying, he expects everyone to find him annoying, he still sort of believes I only keep him around because he's useful or I'm attracted to him. He can't believe I could love him, and finds any kind comment I make totally overwhelming. Sometimes I say "I hate you" if someone's teasing me, most of my friends would reply "Nah, you love me" but he curls in on himself (literally) and whispers "I know". It's horrible. If I'm annoyed or he hurts me accidentally he curls in on himself, doubles over and apologises profusely. He takes teasing completely genuinely (except with me more recently). He tries to crush all his emotions, berates himself for feeling, sometimes physically self-harming in public, but is actually incredibly emotional. He cried at any intense, negative emotion or serious discussion. He takes even minor criticism as an overly serious issue and something he should hate himself for. He has very few friends beyond those he's made through me and sees no one besides myself out of school unless we're meeting in a group. Because he thinks he's just annoying them. He also has graphic homicidal and very genuine suicidal thoughts. He finds the homicidal thoughts calming and loathes himself for it. All I've ever seen is a passive, submissive, sweet person but from what he says he had some outbursts of anger at secondary school, screaming at a teacher and once breaking a boys finger for annoying him. He absolutely hates himself, puts down his achievements, goes silent the few times I've genuinely (accidentally) hurt him and never offers his opinion, he will only back up my own in discussion without a lot of prompt from me. And then there's stuff he's actually said about his parents. I've met them and they're lovely, if very teasing, but he and his (much) older sister give it back too. But he considers his mother incredibly over protective to the point of condescension (but he is both a teenager and her son). He's mentioned she makes him feel guilty for having his own opinions. Despite being talkative with me, he says his father is very silent, typically "masculine", and shows no support. He once told his son he wasn't trying hard enough when he had a panic attack at school. My boyfriend hasn't told anyone beyond myself this and has cried and had nosebleeds when he has. He isn't good at eye contact at all. But I feel like sometimes things are just "lost in translation" on the other hand has parents should take that into account. He also spends all his time at home in his room. His mum compares him to his older brother (who abused drugs and alcohol, dropped out of uni, severly bullied my boyfriend and had completely unmanaged ADHD) all the time, and almost all the decisions he's made in his life have been to avoid being like him. He seems quite comfortable with his family but says he always feels like he's walking on eggshells. He's very indecisive. He also has some serious issues he needs to "sort through himself" before he tells me. I try to be supportive and comforting, a safe haven, as much as I can. I have my own issues. He really worries about his relationship with his family in the future. I also can't quite pinpoint an example now but he seems less emotionally developed in some areas. But to me he's kind, caring, protective. Sorry this is so long, I'm just really worried about him and have a mental illness of my own on top (that he helps a lot with). Being emotionally abused by his whole family bar his sister seems unlikely but... I thought I should find out
    4 replies | 40 view(s)
  • RichLOX's Avatar
    Yesterday, 04:13 PM
    RichLOX started a thread Thoughts about this Argument in Guests
    Good day. I have not posted in awhile since things between my fiance and myself have been going pretty well. However, a few days ago, we had a big fight and I am not sure what I did to ignite this argument. I would like your comments about the situation. Was I being verbally/emotionally abusive??? Was I verbally/emotionally abused??? My fiance and I have vastly differing political views...she is a conservative/republican and I am a liberal/democrat. Throughout our relationship, I have made it a point to avoid getting involved in any political discussions with my fiance as it never really ends up well. Also, I have never negatively judged my fiance with regard to her political views (they are her views and just as valid as my views). Whenever she starts to discuss anything, I try to swerve the conversation somewhere else. Anyways last night, we were talking about an American company that had a store in Puerto Rico (devastated by a hurricane earlier this year). I innocently said that the store was likely not doing well now due to the lack of electricity on the island. After I said that, my fiance became very upset, accusing me of being racist against the white race and bringing that racism to her (we are both white by the way). Obviously I was shocked and upset by this claim. So, I asked her why she felt this way and accused me of being racist. Her heated explanation was that since I make posts on Facebook, expressing my disagreement with a majority of President Trump's actions, I obviously hate President Trump because he is white and therefore I hate white people. Since I mentioned that much of Puerto Rice still has limited electricity, I brought my racism home to her. To further "prove" her point, she brought up an incident from a few months ago while we were watching a movie about aliens. She made the comment, wondering why the aliens could not learn English since they were so advanced technology-wise. I made an offhanded joke, saying "Let's build the wall, " referring to the proposed wall at the Mexican border. I made the comment as a joke and I apologized to her as the joke really upset her. However, she said today that I made that comment in an angry and vindictive way, proving my hatred of white people. As you could imagine, I took great issue with being called a racist. So, I expressed my total disagreement with her belief that I was racist and abusing her by bringing my racism home to her. From there, the argument grew into the her complaint that I never respect her opinion on anything and never compromise. Now, I will readily admit that compromise is important in any relationship. However in my relationship with her, it has been hard to compromise on many of her complaints since they stem from her perception of negative behaviors/thoughts on my part such as being racist against white people, trying to starve her (by not ALWAYS being the one to suggest we go grocery shopping) or even still being in love with my ex-wife (since I sat with her at our kids activities or did the occasional favor for her such as watching her and her husband's house while they were on vacation). She is SO adamant that her beliefs are correct and that I should admit these negative behaviors/thoughts and agree with her. Now, I cannot help but to get defensive and disagree with her, especially about such things as the racism thing or trying to starve her. So, there does not really appear to be any compromise in these situations (unless I am missing something). Was I being abusive in this situation??? Should I compromise and agree with her belief that I'm racist??? Was she abusive in this situation??? I welcome any and all thoughts on this topic. In retrospect, I'm not sure this is worthy of posting on this forum, but I appreciate you taking the time to read it (and possibly comment). If nothing else, it felt good to be able to vent about this, so THANK YOU!!!
    1 replies | 20 view(s)
More Activity