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  • Purple's Avatar
    10-31-2017, 08:56 AM
    Purple started a thread No support. Desperate in Guests
    I don't know where else to turn. I keep coming to support groups and forums because since it happened almost 9 years ago (it will be 9 years in late December), I've had no real support. I've had different types of therapy, hypnotherapy, meds... What I really needed was justice. I told the police, but they dropped the case. It never made it to court. I was branded a "liar" due to that, I was harassed and assaulted twice for "daring" to report it to the police. Apparently I had "ruined his life". Doesn't look too ruined to me!!!!! He's out there happily living it up and I'm now a recluse in my own home, too afraid to go out. I haven't left the house properly since 2012 when I was last assaulted (beaten) by him in a public park. I have violent panic attacks if I go up my street! I've since found out he is now working a 4-5 min walk away from my home. He knows where I live. Neighbours have seen him up our street and recognise him from when he broke into our house once, months before he raped me. I really do not feel safe. Police again will not do anything (I'm in England so no surprise there! Our police are awful.) and nobody wants to help me. I'm so scared and I can't live like this anymore. I'm desperate to get him put away. He's intimidating me on purpose I know he is! That's what he's like. I was a teenager when he abused me and raped me. He was MY AGE!!!! I can't understand why he's free. Every day it's all that's on my mind, and I'm feeling afraid and lost, with no help. Pretty soon I think I will give up altogether. I can't live like this anymore.
    5 replies | 137 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    11-18-2017, 09:20 PM
    Unregistered started a thread I'm not sure if my boyfriend's being abused in Guests
    Hi, I'm really glad I found this place, I just need an outside opinion. I've talked to my mum but she's quite... demeaning of my issues, nevermind my boyfriend's. We're both 17 and in a relationship for the last year. We also both have autistic tendencies (though neither of us enough for diagnosis). From the way he acts I've suspected something for a while. He apologises for everything, even if it was a complete accident or he wasn't even actually involved in the situation or the situation isn't an issue in the first place. He goes out of his way to please me, I mean obviously we're in love and want to make each other happy, but it's over the top, at the forfit of his own happiness. He expects me to find him annoying, he expects everyone to find him annoying, he still sort of believes I only keep him around because he's useful or I'm attracted to him. He can't believe I could love him, and finds any kind comment I make totally overwhelming. Sometimes I say "I hate you" if someone's teasing me, most of my friends would reply "Nah, you love me" but he curls in on himself (literally) and whispers "I know". It's horrible. If I'm annoyed or he hurts me accidentally he curls in on himself, doubles over and apologises profusely. He takes teasing completely genuinely (except with me more recently). He tries to crush all his emotions, berates himself for feeling, sometimes physically self-harming in public, but is actually incredibly emotional. He cried at any intense, negative emotion or serious discussion. He takes even minor criticism as an overly serious issue and something he should hate himself for. He has very few friends beyond those he's made through me and sees no one besides myself out of school unless we're meeting in a group. Because he thinks he's just annoying them. He also has graphic homicidal and very genuine suicidal thoughts. He finds the homicidal thoughts calming and loathes himself for it. All I've ever seen is a passive, submissive, sweet person but from what he says he had some outbursts of anger at secondary school, screaming at a teacher and once breaking a boys finger for annoying him. He absolutely hates himself, puts down his achievements, goes silent the few times I've genuinely (accidentally) hurt him and never offers his opinion, he will only back up my own in discussion without a lot of prompt from me. And then there's stuff he's actually said about his parents. I've met them and they're lovely, if very teasing, but he and his (much) older sister give it back too. But he considers his mother incredibly over protective to the point of condescension (but he is both a teenager and her son). He's mentioned she makes him feel guilty for having his own opinions. Despite being talkative with me, he says his father is very silent, typically "masculine", and shows no support. He once told his son he wasn't trying hard enough when he had a panic attack at school. My boyfriend hasn't told anyone beyond myself this and has cried and had nosebleeds when he has. He isn't good at eye contact at all. But I feel like sometimes things are just "lost in translation" on the other hand has parents should take that into account. He also spends all his time at home in his room. His mum compares him to his older brother (who abused drugs and alcohol, dropped out of uni, severly bullied my boyfriend and had completely unmanaged ADHD) all the time, and almost all the decisions he's made in his life have been to avoid being like him. He seems quite comfortable with his family but says he always feels like he's walking on eggshells. He's very indecisive. He also has some serious issues he needs to "sort through himself" before he tells me. I try to be supportive and comforting, a safe haven, as much as I can. I have my own issues. He really worries about his relationship with his family in the future. I also can't quite pinpoint an example now but he seems less emotionally developed in some areas. But to me he's kind, caring, protective. Sorry this is so long, I'm just really worried about him and have a mental illness of my own on top (that he helps a lot with). Being emotionally abused by his whole family bar his sister seems unlikely but... I thought I should find out
    4 replies | 38 view(s)
  • Rin's Avatar
    11-13-2017, 11:17 PM
    Hello all, and I apologise in advance if my post is clumsily written. Not only do I struggle to talk about these things, I think I might be slightly concussed at the moment. I'm 28 years old and I'm an only child, and I'm still unfortunately living with my parents, who are miraculously still together. I'm unemployed and recieving support benefits right now, and moving out isn't really an option for me at the moment. I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety which I am on medication for, and I've been struggling with type 2 diabetes for ten years now. Yes, I was diagnosed with it at 18. I used to think my mum was an angel. I used to think she protected me from my horrible miserable dad, who didn't like us and didn't care about us. He used to work a lot, so he wasn't home very often, and yes he used to be the one who punished me for doing bad things when I was little, so my child brain bought into it. Only within the past few years did I learn what was really going on then. Dad always felt pushed out and blamed for everything, I learnt to see him as a villain, and my mum was seeing another man and planning to take me away to live with him. He was a drug addict. Another important point I feel like I should bring up is my mother suffers with epilepsy, and has grand mal seizures. These tend to happen if she's tired, stressed, or hasn't taken her medication. I have been exposed to these seizures since I was very young and they're terrifying, and on many occasions have required hospital visits. Of course, this isn't her fault at all, but I think she knows how badly it affects us and how we both feel the need to keep her happy now. I self harm and the first time I cut was when I was nine. I think. I know I was still at primary school then. I don't remember much of it, but it was in the bath, and one of mum's razors was in reach. I remember when she saw it all she did was tell me to wear a long sleeved top and not let dad see. Nothing else was said about it. I was bullied a lot at school because I was a large girl, in height as well as weight, so maybe that was why I felt the need to do this, but I didn't feel like her reaction to it was particularly healthy, looking back. I remember when I left primary school I ginally had a few friends. Most of them were boys, I was a tomboyish girl. A lot of them probably only liked me because of my mum though, because she was a 'cool' mum. She bought them porn and let them smoke. I think she was just desperate for them to like me? I remember vividly about her making this truth or dare game for us to play. I know a lot of the things in it were rather inappropriate, kissing and stuff, but the worst was a card about a boy putting his hands up a girl's top or something. We were about 11 at the time. Secondary school was pretty bad for me. I went to a girl's grammar and never really fit in. They had strict uniform rules and because of my height and weight (for reference I am 6'2" and obese now, and I grew very quickly, I was probably about the same then) my parents struggled to get uniforms for me. I had big feet too, so I had awful man's shoes. I remember having an awful pair of tailored trousers that didn't even fit, because according to mum she couldn't get me grey trousers anywhere else. I only had one pair, and they didn't get washed until the weekend. My blazer didn't fit properly either and it was humiliating. Skirts were an option but until then I'd never really worn many girl's clothes, mum usually got me men's clothes, so I didn't feel comfortable in those at all. The few times I did wear one I was made fun of. My schoolwork declined and my relationship with my father got worse, we would argue a lot and he would get frustrated and hit me. Mum would hit me too, but somehow this was overshadowed. She'd also shout and throw things and break my stuff. But dad always seemed to be made out to be the evil one somehow. I couldn't concentrate, I got extremely anxious in classes, I couldn't do my homework, and this made things worse. I started self harming again, and when I was 15 I was in hospital for a few days because I overdosed on the antidepressants I was given at the time. I was often in the toilets cutting myself and being sent home. Mum would never really have any sympathy, I was just being a pain because she had to come and pick me up. Oh, and I was stressing her out. Which made her epilepsy worse. I managed to scrape together a handful of GCSEs thanks to private tuition but no one was really proud of me. I was a failure and I knew it. I got into college and failed there too. My first year was fine but I couldn't cope with my national diploma and dropped out. It was all too much. Since then I've not really done much with myself other than get worse mentally. I've tried volunteering and was employed part-time for a while, but I could never stick to anything. I was too anxious, too self-deprecating. Too tired as well! My diabetes is very poorly controlled. Mum never really knew what portion control meant and as a result, I struggle to control my eating habits now as well. She used to let me eat whatever. I remember her buying me big bags of chocolate, crisps, whatever, probably just to shut me up? I don't know. Or maybe to make her look like an even better guy compared to dad. Either way I honestly think that's why I was dianosed as diabetic when I was 18. And it terrifies me. Of course if I bring that up with mum its my fault. And I honestly feel guilty about it. Over the past few years anyway, things have deteriorated with my mum. I gained a new burst of self-confidence in my body when I went to college, and since then I've tried to dress in clothing I feel good in, but she usually tells me it looks bad. Or my skirt's too short, or its too tight, or whatever it is. I'm fat and ugly and I should cover up, I guess, but I don't want to, its the one thing I have that makes me feel good about myself. She's also very abusive with my dad, expects him to do everything and do the house up, yadda yadda. Now our house isn't amazing, but it belongs to us, and the morgage is paid off, and considering how things are in the UK right now, that's pretty good for a working class family. We have a stable roof over our heads and I feel like we should be grateful for it. But its never good enough for her. She's also started getting jealous with my recent relationship with my grandparents (her parents). My grandfather had a stroke earlier this year, and I have been helping to care for him, mostly just by being around for them and cooking. They've been grateful and not minced their words telling me this, which has been amazing for me, I've been so happy to help and its felt so good to feel useful finally. But mum doesn't like it, because SHE'S not getting praised, she doesn't get this, or that, even though she doesn't do what I do. What finally made me snap was yesterday. She started complaining about dad again, and I told her she shouldn'#t complain so much about him. It turned into an argument which ended with her snatching up the TV remote and smashing it around my head. I need to do something but I honestly don't know what. She terrifies me, this wasn't her first violent act against me, she often throws things but I honestly feel like she's given me concussion, and it terrifies me to think what she might do next. She feels absolutely no remorse. Not once have I ever got an apology from her. I think she'd have happily grabbed a knife if it was to hand and got me with that instead, and not felt bad about it, simply because 'I made her angry'. Is this good enough to go to the police with? I don't want to seem like a timewaster. Or is there any mental health services I can call, because I honestly think she needs help. Thanks if you bothered to read through this post. I'd really appreciate any input :)
    3 replies | 53 view(s)
  • Eliza95's Avatar
    10-29-2017, 01:48 PM
    Eliza95 started a thread Contact from Abuser in Guests
    Basically my dad abused me for about 12 years from when I was about 5/6years old until I was 18 when I managed to escape. Now Iím 22 and I have just had a hand delivered letter from my father informing me that my Grandma (his mother) has passed away from terminal cancer. He put his mobile number at the top of the paper and Iím not really sure what to do. I really appreciate that he thought to tell me and I want him to keep me updated should anything happen with the rest of his family. But how do I tell him any of this without opening up back and forth contact with him? If I tell him anything at all? I reported the abuse to the police but nothing came of it as there wasnít any physical evidence so he didnít get any kind of repercussions. That was 4 yeas ago and this is the 1st Iíve heard from him since.
    3 replies | 96 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    11-10-2017, 11:53 AM
    Unregistered started a thread Financial Abuse in Guests
    Iíve been with my boyfriend now for 10 months, and through most of our relationship Iíve paid for everything. I have paid for hotels for him, helped him get a camper, pay for dinners, pay for his rent, pay for gas, pay for anything and everything. And for some stupid reason, I keep letting him do this to me. He just put $105 on my credit card today. He used $650 of my money this week for lawyers and for a rental car. I keep blocking him and then unblock him. I need some support. I just feel so alone and stupid. And heís done other domestic violence things before, but here I am, still with him.
    2 replies | 45 view(s)
  • emjay's Avatar
    11-11-2017, 02:49 PM
    emjay started a thread hi in Guests
    hi I'm new here. I'm 34years old and suffer with ptsd, eupd, and depressive episodes. i am a survivor of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I have had a lot of problems with self harm and suicide attempts, but have now gone two and a half years without self harm. Ive spent the last 10 years in hospital and am now in a open rehab as I'm on the mend. i struggle to ask for support and have big trust issues, which is partly why i have come to this site.
    1 replies | 42 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    11-09-2017, 08:37 PM
    I have been with my husband for 11 years married almost 8. In the beginning it was amazing. He seemed soo caring and gard working in the small town where we met. He didnt work but in that town there were no jobs but he always made sure we had what we needed. Fast forward a few years i got a great job. I became the breadwinner of the family and he began drinking..... Before i got my job he became very abusive physically to me and controlling. Refusing to ever talk or communicate and using violence as a way to keep me in line. I have yet to feel safe to express anger or disappointment towards him. He is physically mentally emotionally abusive. He gas gone through spurts or honeymoon phases where ge wouldnt hit me but the neglect and name calling continued. I am last on his list and treated like ***. I finally called police and had him out then o kept feeling pressure from his family to bring him home and i did. I missed him..... why???? I dont know. I *** hate him amd love him i am soo confused but i know im only waiting for the inevitable..... divorce..... how do i get there. I am my own worst enemy.....
    1 replies | 42 view(s)
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