Today, 10:31 AM
My sister did ask me about a rumor of abuse towards me by a male. I lied, told her no.
Reason is, I did not want my sister to then have a reaction to MY abuse. This is very personal to me. I did not want her blasting this to others, and I know she would. I did not want her making it all about her and how she had to cope with knowing and such. Not at all saying you would do any of these things, or that like anything is "wrong." Yet, IMO, my abuse = my business. Even if a sis is asking me to protect her kids I'd likely say, "If you don't feel like you should have your kids around him, then don't." But I would not feel obligated to come clean with what happened wih me at all. Imo, choosing the way I share or don't share is very important to my own healing. Feeling cooerced or obligated or such to disclose before I desire to feels like another thing forced upon me similar to getting unwanted touch. That may sound extreme, but it is how I process it. My disclosure for me should be on my terms only.
However, on the other side of this, if I heard rumors and it was my sister they were about and say another, I may, instead of confronting her, open a door for conversation. Like, I may try to have a casual attitude about it that hopes to show I can accept things either way, either possibility...if that makes sense.
Idk though, seems like you do have some feelings about your dad's behavior as your memory stands. Imo, if it were me, this could be plenty to justify my need to work on stuff for myself, without even knowing any more. ...if that is what you choose.
There are some things that have happened to me, that I will never get a clear picture on. I still am left with aspects of myself that pop up and have pain, guilt, shame, etc. imo, these aspects of my self are what beg for attention from me the most....irrespective of how they got there, they exist and are valid and need me to listen.