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  • Jane's Avatar
    08-14-2018, 07:06 PM
    Read you post and hear your unhappiness. How I got on with my parents was a big subject for me. Basically I didn't...felt desperately unhappy. Kinda became inconsequential whether they were abusive or not - given that when the breaking point came I was close to 18yo (legally becoming an adult). Took me a while but realise I had choices (none of them easy). That it came down to either striking out on my own...getting a student loan, some debt, a part time job to funding my own educational plan or accepting that it was my decision to stay - that as an adult my parents no longer had a legal duty of care for me - that I was in fact a guest in their house. That as long as they did not criminally attack me I had to live by their rules - accept that they had a right to act as they did (even if I hated it - found it not ok - cruel) - to stay. Had to decide whether the benefit of staying was worth it (my parents ongoing financial support) OR to move out just as soon as I was able. Decided on the latter. Was not easy becoming an independent adult but in the end it worked. Not qualified to say if your parents reach the thresh-hold to be classed as abusive - no one here is legally qualified to make that call. I do know that abuse is a term that I find can sometimes be used pretty loosely - used to describe behaviour that people find not ok, that makes them unhappy but in most states would not be classed as illegal. Good thing you are now an adult, not trapped in a situation you use to have no control over - can make the choice to walk away if you wish. Just wondering - you mention you are a student - have you considered talking to your campus student support services? Many provide counselling (at low/no cost) - could open up an opportunity to get some professional support - help to refine your issues - find your way forward. For you :rs
    1 replies | 21 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    08-14-2018, 05:21 PM
    Unregistered replied to a thread The Struggle Is Real in Public Forum
    you sound like you have had a much tougher time than me but i understand the happiness you feel now they are gone, its like life just got put on super duper easy mode instead of being on brutal all the time, i know what you mean by not being able to realte at all to other people its pretty shitty
    4 replies | 252 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    08-14-2018, 05:16 PM
    Iv just realised by moving away from my mother for the first time that I feel exponentially better without her, iv always had massive underlying anxiety, been really easily scared, embarrassed or nervous to the point of being sick, feeling extremely guilty and many other very intense negative feelings like there would be huge consequences, but in really trivial circumstances, always feeling under huge amounts of pressure, but I assumed it was normal and just done my best not to show any weakness, iv always done pretty well been really good in exams and other things as well as sports but socially iv always been really afraid like really really afraid and just always pushed through it but always felt so bad and felt so much pressure, i can remember physical and verbal abuse from about 12 years old and onwards from my mother after my parents got divorced, and before than physical and verbal abuse from my farther, who left during the week and then came home on weekends my entire childhood , and went to a child minders after school, but i cant remember any abuse when i was a toddler or any sexual abuse, i remember crying in front of my farther at about 14 and he just laughed straight in my face, and hes shot snot out of his nostrils onto my face onto my face infront of everyone at a family at a party during a polite conversation out of absolutely nowhere and then started laughing at my face, he also when i was arround 12 and had my first nokia phone which i first discovered porn on announced to everyone at another family party that id been watching porn and asked me to explain what i was doing to everyone and then laughed at me when i walked away, and his mates laughed aswell, just things like that, we use to always wrestle eachother aswell and he always use to win and tickle us but really hard and for a very long time putting his entire weight on us with big cushions in between and pinning us down and tickling us like really so it was extremely unpleasant, i never use to instigate it he use to just start pushing me arround and wrestling me out of nowhere and i was pretty scared, iv also been really good in high stress situations and had a real knack for fist fighting/ contact sports and had an all round really addictive and destructive all round personality aswell and i cant shake my habbits, i think i would describe the feeling I get from my farther is I feel horrified when he comes to see me, also my little brother was put on medication that we just found out he did not need to be on for the last 10 years because he was acting out and biting people in his class, Im thinking that acting out could indicate some sort of abuse, he was punished far more often than me as he would scream and shout, he use to get shouted at very very loudly and agressivly and hit with a belt and be told to go to his room, they would also slam the doors and it also happened to me but not as often, but i cant really report is as it was so long ago, but now my farther is helping me with my university fees and giving me money to drive a car etc etc so im just getting extremely mixed signals, i lived in a very nice big house in a nice area with nice friends and family etc and we went on holidays occasionally but iv never felt right and always knew something was deeply wrong, and still feel an underlying fear and unrest and sickness to my stomach as i know somthing is wrong, iv always had difficulty understanding other peoples behaviour aswell and dont understand them or can relate to them, and iv only just realised that it was because my childhood was totally different, I was forced to make very adult like decisions and deal with allot of pressure with no escape very very young, and i would love to know if anyone has had a similar experience or can give me any advice of some sort, iv also been very close to murder many many times as I had huge amounts of rage built up and I always assumed it was normal but if someone insulted me i would want to kill them and iv only just realised this is not normal, i was very close many times but have managed to just keep it together, i was very close to being addicted to drugs and alchol at a young age as i found it to be such a relief, i have also seriously considered murdering my parents many many times, I have thought of moving away and changing my identity to escape them but i cannot let go of the financial help my farther is giving me, I also use to run away from the house when i was young and take food and go as far as i could, i did this multiple times aswell I dont want to let go of the financial help but i want to cut off all ties from my parents forever, i dont want to lose out on any inheritance I could potentially get aswell as that would be such a waste, and im thinking iv already endured it all now so what would be the point, i just do know what to think of the whole thing, iv only just realised that i have actually had a really tough life and it hasn't been normal at all and anyone who can realte and tell me what they did would be great
    1 replies | 21 view(s)
  • Jane's Avatar
    08-13-2018, 11:43 AM
    Jane replied to a thread My boyfriend raped me in Public Forum
    Hi welcome to Fort :ws I am so sorry that this guy forcibly raped you - he had absolutely no right to do that...if witness could have ended up with him being convicted - ending up on the sex offender register. You said 'no sex' (had an agreement) he violated that ...began his attack when you were asleep, Makes no difference that you had a former consensual sexual relationship with this guy - is your body and only you have the right to say who touches it - in which way, change your mind too. Hear you about your parents (who don't know what he did to you) praising him and such - given the circumstances I understand why that upsets you. I have a history of not revealing a sexual assault...on retrospect I wish I had - is a personal thing...imo important that you do what feels best for you when it comes to telling or not telling. :rs:rs
    2 replies | 22 view(s)
  • Tasha1701D's Avatar
    08-13-2018, 11:40 AM
    I really relate to not saying anything to anyone because of feeling as if I "asked for it" or something. :rs for you. I'm still working through the emotional fallout I experienced after my rape. It was someone I trusted and had been friends with for years. The betrayal was so difficult for me to deal with. I also never said anything to anyone and others who knew the person would say things about how awesome they were and such. I'm so sorry for what you experienced. :rs Sitting with you.
    2 replies | 22 view(s)
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