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  • Unregistered's Avatar
    06-26-2018, 12:47 AM
    Unregistered started a thread I just needed to say this in Public Forum
    (Sorry if my English is a little confusing). It's curious how I'm gonna end writing this in a public forum full of strangers instead of telling to someone I know. I guess it's easier this way, you don't have to deal with the pity of your loved ones or feel embarrased every time you see their faces, knowing that they know. So I won't tell them, I don't plan on telling them, I could never watch my mom at her eyes without feeling horrible and ashamed. Yes, I know it wasn't my fault, that's what someone told me once, that it wasn't my fault, so I shouldn't feel ashamed for that. Maybe I still blame myself for being too weak to stop it earlier, to stop it before I broke... I've this grandfather, he's not my grandfather by blood, but he knew my mom before I was born and he helped her a lot. He's a nice person, I know. When I was born I was the most special person for him, I was his treasure. So he's my grandfather even if we are not related by blood, he is...and after everything I still love him. He said it was my fault. He said I "seduce" him...and probably that's very stupid considering I was six yrs old...I doubt I could "seduce" anyone at that age. Hell, I didn't even knew what that word meant. The truth is that I don't know why, but he became intimate with me in a sexual way and somehow managed to convince me to not tell anyone. I was a kid...I didn't even knew what he was doing, I was ok with that, he was my grandfather, he would never hurt me, right? I could say he never force me to anything because I didn't understood what was going on. When I was 12...I realized that not all grandparent's did those kind of things with their grandchildren. So I started asking to myself if it was wrong or not. I honestly didn't knew if it was wrong...and I couldn't ask anyone about that. At some point I realized that IT WAS wrong...maybe when I was 15...but after 9 yrs going throught that every time I stayed at his house...I just denied it. I told to myself that it was ok...that everything was ok. I just bit my lip, closed my eyes and tried to ignore it. I was incredible good at denying something like that. But he noticed I wasn't so willing anymore. But it took me two yrs more...it took me two years to end it. It took me to years until I was brave anough to tell him to stop. It was last year, I told him I didn't liked it, I told him that I never actually liked it. As I said, he's a nice person, so he stoped...drastically. I didn't wanted to tell him because I knew that he was gonna stay away from me if I did. I love him as a grandfather...and I wish with all my sould that we could have a normal relationship. But when I told him, he pushed me away and started ignoring me. I haven't talk to him in months. He's the closest person I have to a father...and now I don't have him...I'm not even sure anymore if he really loved me as his family...or if he just liked my body. And I can't blame him. I'm broken now, I hate myself, I don't think I could ever have sex with someone without feeling horrible. I've all those memories that I hate. I don't know what to do...I'm a disaster. I remember I used to be a happy person...now I can't. I'm not ok, all days are bad. I hate that I didn't said anything earlier...I hate to be such a coward. I hate to don't have a grandfather anymore. And I feel like it's all my fault. I just needed to say this...that's all. ~Lucas
    2 replies | 107 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    07-10-2018, 04:45 PM
    Unregistered started a thread Just need to word vomit without judgement in Public Forum
    He and I have been together about a year. A few months ago he pushed me down then two weeks ago he beat the crap out of me. I know he is not a good person but there is good in him. I cannot save him or change him. He is a product of his environment like everyone else. I left for a week. But everybody kept taking me where I didnt want to be. Nobody asked what I wanted. I want to be with him. I want to take a chance that he will seek help. I want to be able to love him without judgement. Now that I have returned to him if he ever hits me again I have no place to go. I am stuck here it things don't change. Im so confused. And hurt. Not so much by him but by those who cannot respect that I am willing to forgive and try to work with him to change our relationship.
    2 replies | 41 view(s)
  • Renee75's Avatar
    07-03-2018, 06:58 AM
    Renee75 started a thread He wants to come back. in Public Forum
    My name is Renee and I am a 43 year old African American woman, who over the past two years was involved in a very emotional and physical abusive relationship. My ex was a Caucasian man who was addicted to crack, cocaine and any drug he could get his hands on. I experienced abuse on every level and was outcast by my family for enduring such abuse. I lost everything my house, my car , my job and even my baby that I was pregnant with. After a car accident I was able to get free from the situation and take refuge with my parents while I try to recover. He recently tried to contact me through Facebook and please that he is getting better and has been in rehab and wants me back. I am so confused why do I feel the need to go back to him , especially since I still have vivid flashbacks of the abuse. I sometimes stop in the middle of the day and remember things and start crying. Am I being stupid and over dramatic as he use to call me.
    2 replies | 62 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    06-23-2018, 10:55 PM
    Unregistered started a thread Am I being emotionally abused? in Public Forum
    My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years on and off. He has always had terrible anger problems. The minute I bring up something that he has done that bothers me, no matter how small the issue, he sees red and turns into what looks to me like a monster. He has never physically hurt me but today he got so mad that he threw a cereal bowl and it almost hit my head. When I gasped out of fear and began to cry he immediately got up and packed a bag and said that he would rather live on the street then live one more day with me and never apologized. Now he is texting me about how sorry he is and it is probably so I will let him back in the house. He has said and done horrible things to me over the years and I have always felt like I am being abused because it never got physical I never really categorized it that way. I once found out that he told a female coworker of his that he is only using me for sex. When we fight he gets very close to my face and tells me i make him hate his life and that i disgust him. Am I being emotionally/verbally abused?
    1 replies | 64 view(s)
  • out here's Avatar
    06-23-2018, 05:55 PM
    wheres good place for support? older no kids, family is older and further away. burning out on trying to find my solution to leaving DV. i seem to freeze or give up on finding my path out. local gelp isnt a help. this rural area seems full of misogynists. seems best not to add to his drama but at what cost? please older women viewpoints. where to go from here.
    1 replies | 61 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    07-07-2018, 06:26 AM
    Unregistered started a thread Help in Public Forum
    Iíve started to research my behaviour online and realised I probably have did so I went to the doctor. But they asked if I heard voices in my head and I said no but Iíve just realised I do hear voices in my head. Itís like all the different people are in my head and we have conversations and now Iím freaking out that Iím crazy and Iím terrified of what to do
    1 replies | 43 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    07-06-2018, 11:18 PM
    Unregistered started a thread In need of help in Public Forum
    If it weren't for my son, I wouldn't be on here. I wouldn't be married to that thing asleep upstairs. I love my son and would do anything for him. I'm a 38m. The alcoholic thing asleep has only 3 priorities alcohol, cigarettes, and her phone. Tonight sh yelled at our son (4) who only wanted her attention but her shouting words were "I'm busy leave me alone" as she was too busy playing a game on her phone. She has physically assaulted me in the past. But I have to not defend myself. I just want my son and I to be safe and away from her.
    1 replies | 40 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    07-08-2018, 07:06 AM
    Hello all, I hope I'm not intruding but I'd like to speak to a male partner of a victim, either a husband or a fiance or a partner of any other status. I am the husband of a young women (32) who was raped very early this year and I need other information to help balance the information I'm hearing from her therapist and her support group. Please reply.
    1 replies | 38 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    07-09-2018, 03:16 PM
    Unregistered started a thread * 18+ S****'s martyr in Public Forum
    I'm new to this. I'm alone...completely. no friends,no family. I had once at 26 years old a 182,000 home, three children, two college degrees, a car.....my mother whom I was caring for tried to commit suicide in front of my children and then refused to leave my home. Because of this, I lost my home as it was easier for the mortgage to take the home back rather than the eviction process....had my mother just left, I would still have everything I worked so hard for. I ended up homeless with three children....the father who was in and out had no idea but upon meeting his girlfriend decided they wanted to play house and decided to not return my children to me....I'm now going through the court system....he took them for a visit and never called again.....I landed in a very controlling relationship with the only person who seems to love me....I sit alone inside a room all day...i miss the sun. Every regime is monitored from eating to showering. My thoughts are not my own and i don't dare to feel my own feelings....I've kept alot of details to myself...I'msimply alone and every day trying to accept that this is the life I will have because what else is there? I have no one and no where to go....
    1 replies | 36 view(s)
  • LivingFree's Avatar
    07-15-2018, 11:39 AM
    I have been out of my abusive situation for over five years. I am remarried to a very supportive, gentle, loving man that also loves my children. But my mom and one of my sisters (I have six) continue to ask me why I took the abuse and why I didn't leave the first time. I have continued to share the "reason" I stayed and continue to share with them that it's something they will never understand because they are not me and have never been in my situation. They both become quite agitated with me that I didn't leave. I need to nip this conversation for my own sanity. Please share your thoughts on how to move forward with them. Thank you!
    1 replies | 22 view(s)
  • Jane's Avatar
    07-02-2018, 03:36 PM
    I found this on-line article targeting those looking for information to help them make decisions about their 'not working relationship http://themendproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/mend-stay-reunite-new.pdf. I found it informative and practical. Hope you do too. :pg Questions and issues discussed include: Should I stay? Or should I go? Staying Separating Reuniting
    0 replies | 34 view(s)
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