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  • Unregistered's Avatar
    09-04-2018, 03:31 PM
    Unregistered started a thread * 18+ How Can I Cope? in Public Forum
    Hello. I've faced many years between physical/mental/sexual abuse. I've tried talking to a therapist, and sometimes I feel better and other times.. I feel worse. I feel like my attitude is what holds me back from moving forward. To be perfectly honest, I really don't know how to move forward anymore. I lost someone who was very dear to me within the last year and I know that grief has been incredibly difficult to cope with. Sometimes I feel like I'm bi-polar.. I try to always be happy and positive, but when I have bad days, my emotions are a roller coaster. I would never do anything to harm myself or someone else. I just feel the need to be alone for days at a time and snap on those who try to help me. I feel like I've never been able to fully recover from the mental abuse because I never realized it was happening until my parents saw what it was doing to me. A part of me feels like I can't escape it. It's happened so many times that I feel like I am doing this to myself or that I am doing something wrong. I know being 23, my generation mistakes kindness for flirting a lot. I can't help who I am.. so that's why I feel like it's my fault. Another reason why, is because my most recent experiences was with my mother's ex-boyfriend... I never told my mom about it because him and my sister have a father/daughter relationship and I don't want to ruin that. Also, if it weren't for him, we would be homeless right now due to the fact that there are no rental homes in the city I live in, and my mother's court order with my sister and her biological father restricts her from just leaving the county we live in. Dating has been extremely hard, and just the other week I went through almost like a flashback to a moment when I was with the man I have been seeing currently. He's helping me the best that he can through this, but has also advised I see a therapist. I just don't want to talk to someone who deals with this regularly. I don't know what my options are.
    5 replies | 113 view(s)
  • bc23's Avatar
    09-20-2018, 04:58 AM
    bc23 started a thread 6 years of silence. in Public Forum
    Hi everybody. I'm not sure where to even begin with this post. The other night, I was laying in bed with my partner, and we were exchanging stories from the past. He likes hearing my crazy tales of travelling the world as a dancer (the career I walked away from a year ago in order to settle down at home). I've had a pretty blessed life! It's had its difficulties, but I've seen the world and met fantastic people. I was telling him about some pretty heavy nights in different countries... and then from nowhere, a memory I had blocked from my mind and never ever allowed myself to even think about, let alone talk about, literally fell out of my mouth without warning. I was 19, close to my 20th birthday. At the time, I was living in Brasilia (Brazil)- a dancer in a large Circus. It was my first time in South America and I was 6 weeks into a 12 month contract. All artists were put up in hotels wherever we travelled - and one particular night, one of the acrobats hosted a hotel room party. I remember having a great time with my new friends, drinking a hell of a lot of whiskey (again, I was 19 - we've all done it!)... I felt good, safe. I definitely wasn't aware of my drinking limits back then, and after what must have been a few hours, I noticed people were tapering off. I remember feeling very hazy and being sat on a chair in the corner of the room trying to muster the energy to walk to the other side of the hotel back to my room. I remember the guy who lived in that room was there, a friend of his, and the old tent master with two other men whom I'd never seen before that night. I remember nothing from sitting on that chair. The next day, I woke up at around 2:30pm. I was in a bed, alone, wearing no underwear and there was blood on the sheets. There was 2 other guys from the circus on the balcony in the sun playing cards. I picked up my underwear and pants and walked over and asked what had happened. They laughed and said don't worry about it in broken English, and didn't look me in the eye. I returned to my room, took a shower, and never ever thought about it again. I didn't tell my friends out there. I literally erased it from my memory, and went on to stay at that circus for the rest of my contract, seeing and working alongside the acrobat who's room I had woken up in, and the old Mexican tent master. What makes it worse now that I've finally, 6 years later, actually spoke about this - is that my Mum had come out to Brazil to visit me a couple of months after that night. I keep thinking 'how many?'. How many of them did what they pleased? 1? 3? 5? After mentioning this the other night to my boyfriend, he sat bolt upright and asked me if I was okay. I said yeah Im fine, it was ages ago. The next day I got up for work and felt sick all day. Panic attacks every hour. I visited the doctor a couple of nights ago, who has advised physiological therapy. Telling my Mum was the hardest thing I've ever done. The reason I'm posting this is because I literally cannot get my head around how and why its took 6 years for me to come to terms with this? I'm so confused. At the moment, its that fresh I haven't even got to the angry stage. Ive took a couple of days off work just to gather myself together as all I seem to want to do at the moment is sleep. I really want to hurry up and get passed this, I need to get back to my usual self. Thanks for reading, and any coping advice is much appreciated.
    3 replies | 42 view(s)
  • Freeatlast's Avatar
    09-16-2018, 12:08 PM
    My ex has been requesting constant scheduling changes of our teenager. He has been using that to harass and manipulate me. My vacation was ruined when he turned around and booked a vacation with our child to the same place the month before I went. I have recently put my foot down and am refusing the schedule changes and it is tearing me up because he entices our child with trips and other fun stuff and then tells him, Sorry, mom wonít let you go. I feel like I will never be free at last.
    3 replies | 56 view(s)
  • Anonymous's Avatar
    08-26-2018, 01:50 AM
    Anonymous started a thread Just questioning in Public Forum
    When I was 9, I went over to my best friends house like usual. This day though, he wasnít there, his older brother answered the door. He said I could stay and play. They both had a younger brother and he was there that day. Us 3 went into the garage to play, which we never do. My bf(best friend)ís older brother tells us that we are playing a game called Sales man. He tells his younger brother that his job is to go out front and sell melons and to not come back until heís told. He says our job was to be in the garage and sell clothes. Then he pulled his mothers 1 piece bathing suit out of a box in the garage and tells me to get naked and put it on. I donít know why but I listened and did what he said. After he had me model it he told me to lay face down on this mattress in the garage( I donít know why the mattress was there I guess they were getting ready to throw it out). When I was down on the mattress I looked back and he had pulled out his dick and started rubbing it on me, and then he forced it in me. His younger brother came back and he yelled at him to get out. I canít really remember much after that, I think I blocked it out. But I remember walking home(they lived 5 doors down) and feeling very awkward. I completely erased this from my mind until I was 25, and then it started coming back to me. I think this was the moment I lost my innocence? Recently Iíve been struggling with alcohol addiction. And I canít get these memories out of my head.......
    2 replies | 107 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    09-17-2018, 09:47 PM
    Unregistered started a thread How do I explain my ptsd to my dad? in Public Forum
    my name is ZoŽ and I'm 20 years old... I have been sexually assaulted multiple times. It led me down a bad path and I'm now back home with my parents. I go to psychiatric doctors but no therapy yet. My dad has no idea about my past and has asked me "well what do you have ptsd or anxiety for?" And he kinda acts like I make things up in my head. He loves me and cares about me but he doesn't understand and I guess can't because he doesn't know why I've changed so much and why im like this now. Can anyone give me some advice on how to tell him but without making him angry or ask too many questions that I may be uncomfortable answering..thank you if anyone reads this.
    2 replies | 51 view(s)
  • Unregistered's Avatar
    08-28-2018, 05:51 PM
    Unregistered started a thread was it rape? in Public Forum
    This is something that ive carried around with me for almost two months now.. I cant believe I am ever writing this. Two months ago a friend of mine got engaged. We have been in each others live for over 10 years her family is mine and mine is hers. she has an older brother who is like my own brother as well. two years ago he hooked up with a my friends bestfriend in vegas while we all were on a trip together weather to say it was his or her doing im not sure... earlier this year he had started hitting on another one of our friends sending nudes, sexual text messages and trying to get her to hook up with him this came after years of him hitting on her casually. nothing was ever said to my friend about her brother being this way in our friend group. the day of the engagement she was with her then boyfriend and I was left with her brother to be there and celebrate the engagement later that night we had all gone out and were drinking heavily (whiskey which I never drink) my friends brother starting hitting on me and I told my friend she told me to tell him to stop which I had over and over and left me alone while she was with all of her other friends. later that night we ended up back at their house, my friend and I had gotten into a huge argument I tried to go home and they didn't let me drive, I was going to uber and still didn't let me but shut me out of her room. all I remember is waking up in her brothers bed naked next to him and thinking what the hell happened. I remember feeling like I was taken advantage. I never spoke of this until recently I hadn't been feeling myself, very depressed and
    2 replies | 92 view(s)
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