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Neglect

Neglect means failure to provide adequate care to the child in one's custody. It's by far the most common (and the most lethal) form of child abuse, yet the least spoken about. Many people struggle placing "child abuser" label on a parent who didn't mean to harm their child, who struggles with various hardships and failed to do their job as well as they should have. However, visiting one's problems on a child is inappropriate because the child has no remedy: they cannot divorce their parents and live independently. Without adequate care, they get sick or even die; those who survive often suffer serious psychological trauma, chronic physical illnesses, and/or developmental problems, sometimes irreversible. Overcoming parental hardships is a part of being a parent. People who can't afford bare necessities can apply for government assistance or reach out to charities. People who don't know how to maintain a clean house can google tutorials or hire a cleaning lady. People who aren't sure how to care for their child can take parenting classes. At the end of the day, the parents are obligated to either provide appropriate care to their child or surrender him/her to the authorities. Failure to do so constitutes child abuse.

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Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is a situation where someone robs you of your money or other assets by playing on your vulnerability or taking advantage of your trust. For example, convincing you to give them your paycheck, stealing your cash, draining your savings account, maxing out your credit cards, making you sign over your house, or using your name to open loans. Sometimes it's done openly (e.g. "sign your house over to me now or I'll kill you"), but often it's disguised as "helping you manage your finances". Financial abuse usually happens in domestic relationships, i.e. between spouses or adult children and their elderly parents, but can also happen between friends, siblings, dating couples, remote relatives, neighbors, etc. It results in financial troubles (like getting evicted from your own house), stress and anxiety, shame, and damaged family relationships. Financial abuse is a crime, but rarely gets reported and prosecuted because it's painful to admit, embarrassing to talk about, and very confusing. However, avoiding the problem doesn't solve it; the more you know about it, the better protected you are.

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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Abuse is a serious psychological trauma, often involving threat to life, so it's not surprising that many of us struggle with PTSD, the same condition that's experienced by many combat veterans. PTSD is not a weakness, and cannot be overcome by willpower, i.e. sucking it up and pretending you're fine till it passes. It's a mental health condition that needs to be diagnosed and treated by a mental health professional. DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) criteria for PTSD include a history of exposure to a traumatic event (that meets specific stipulations), and symptoms of four different types: intrusion, avoidance, negative alterations in cognitions and mood, and alterations in arousal and reactivity. Symptoms of each type need to be present for more than one month, causing significant distress or functional impairment (e.g. loss of employment), and cannot be due to medications, substance abuse, or other illnesses. This page lists and illustrates the four types of PTSD symptoms, so that survivors would seek professional help if they need it, and supporters would better understand what their loved one is going through and why they act the way they do.

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Living With Agoraphobia

i've been struggling with agoraphobia for the majority of my life. It's waxed and waned over the years, swelling and receding in its severity, but it's never fully gone away. There have been times where it was so severe i've been bedbound for a few days. There has been times where it was held back, and going outside wasn't a big deal. There are times where i can go outside easily with trusted companions, but cannot step foot out my door to even check the mailbox on my own. Each time i've battled the extreme 'flareups' that agoraphobia throws at me, i'd had different approaches, depending on where in particular the irrational fears were stemming from. This current bout, though, has been one of the most difficult to fight, and one of the longest stretches i've had to endure it. i started to write about it on Fort about a year ago, at first just venting frustrations, but the thread grew into more than just an explosion of emotions - it shows glimpses of my journey, thoughts, plans, ideas, failures, successes... When i was approached about sharing this particular battle of mine more publicly on Fort, i felt a little bit honored. i often feel that Agoraphobia is misunderstood. i know i'm still attempting to wrap my head around it, even after all these years of living with it. It's a very lonely, isolating condition, and at its worst, it's completely irrational, yet totally unbudging against all forms of logic. And if putting my story out there will help reach others, to...

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Emergency Escape Plan

Being involved in a violent relationship is kind of like living on top of a volcano. Some people leave once they realize it and never look back. Others run off during the eruption, wait out the danger, and come back once things calm down. Many go back and forth a few times, but eventually leave for good. Whatever your long-term plan is (staying or leaving), it's crucial to ensure your basic safety in the here and now, while you're still sharing the house with your abuser and the volcano can erupt any minute. The beauty of an emergency escape plan is that you don't have to hide it, because it's applicable in any emergency: fire, flood, earthquake, burglary, etc. Any reasonable person would commend you for being conscious of safety, your partner won't question your motives, and your friends and family won't suspect abuse (if you wish to keep it secret). You can even disguise your plan as a joke, a game, or a hobby (e.g. zombie apocalypses). It consists of simple adjustments that are easy to implement, but that would drastically increase your chances of surviving violence at home, and eventually escaping it.

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What to tell your therapist first time you meet them

The thought of seeing a therapist for the first time can be anxiety provoking, even if you saw other therapists before. For many people a big part of this anxiety is wondering what to tell this new therapist during the first session. While obviously this depends on what do you want from them, there are a couple of ideas below - not to use as directions, but simply as an invitation for creativity. Maybe reading what other people discuss with their therapists on first session would help you clarify what is it that YOU want (or don't want) to talk with your new therapist about.

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Journaling

Many abuse survivors struggle with depression, addictions, unhealthy relationships, even suicide thoughts. One of the reasons it's happening is that abuse robs you of your identity, so once it's over - you feel lost and unsure of who you are anymore, and try to fill your life with unhealthy distractions. Another reason is that abuse causes a lot of conflicting feelings: pain, anger, fear, frustration, love, confusion, self-blame, hope. Talking of these feelings is hard, and even the most supportive friends can't listen 24/7. Journaling resolves both of these problems. It allows you to express your thoughts, feelings, desires, plans, hopes - free of judgment or limitations. To re-discover who you are and what you want to do with your life. This page lists a few of the most common approaches to journaling - pick the one that seems most inviting, or experiment with them all.